Inside this bishys world...

2006-07-05T23:24:00.000-07:00

okies....so i fink im officially don wif this blog ^^ ....i have bout 9 of em now plus myspace n thats jes wayyyyyy too much lol.....so heres ma otha blogs n myspace if ur interested ^^

http://findingthebishywithin.blogspot.com/

http://mybabykins.blogspot.com/

http://www.myspace.com/angelicbishy

n omg!!!!!!!!! ima engaged ima engaged!!!!!!!!!! yay =D =D =D i love you brett =D

Moving

2006-04-24T09:05:00.000-07:00

im kinda a mess atm......ive decided i have ta leave today....i don do goodbyes....n i don do "cyas" well....talkd ta brett.......my bro rick.....n dawn among a few othas.....my sis isnt bouts n id fall apart even more so if she was.....shes been my strength l8ly......this is the hardest thing ive done n my life....leave behind one of the best things n my life.....my man.......among a few very very dear friends......i love you all soooooooooo much........n yes damnit my man {ik not technically mine try tellin my damn heart that tho it aint havin none of that bs} made me smile through my tears even now.....i hope ta come back n win his heart ova again.....n finally make things rite for him......hes sumfin special even if he don c it....i do =) .....i always have.......hes my crazy ebul panda seal bib boi among many otha things =p~ ......n i will b back for his heart.......im takin a part of him wif me.......w/o it i wouldnt make it ........so ik ill b okies.......wif that said.....i dunno when ima b back.......whenever i find wat ima looxn for....n thats myself.......may take longer n i hope.....n i have it on good authority *coughs* that this is a test of sorts.....n that if i do still love my man when i return....n he still loves me.......we NEED ta work things out.....so she said =p......r sumfin like that.......gah.....ive been cryin n laughin n cryin s'more......tears r put away now cuz my dads up n hes gonna make me pull the plug on my puta n help load the truck up ugh!!!! as if i don wanna so hmphs.......jk .....sorta =S.....neways.....*sighs*......gah......honestly im breakin my own heart by leavin....leavin behin sum very dear ppl.....lovin funny crazy......jes like me i spose sum would say.....whoda thunk it ? but they all mean alot ta me.....my bro......keep ya head up hun.......n STOP WORRYIN SO DAMN MUCH!!!! thought id say that cuz ik ur too much like me that way......ta my sis......i love you so much sweetie....but chin up my dear twin =p....ur one tuff bishy.....ya have ta b ta b my sis n put up wif alla my bs now eh? =p tc of yaself missy......ta my nutty lil friend up north of moi.....dawn......i shall miss makin u spit on ya monitor....but i will b bak n i wont take it easy on ya.....n ofc i save the best for last......my dearest brett.....u r the best thing ta ever happen ta me....YOU have always been enuff despite wat u still think....you yourself was all i wanted n needed........still is.......when you look n the mirror.....tell that guy lookin back at you hes a pretty decent guy......n he does deserve ta b happy....cuz i said so n ik everythin =) {r so i like ta think at times} ta everyone else plssssssssss close ur eyes =D fanx baby this is for you n you only........ { *kisses u softly wif all the love she feels for you* } take care of that special man of mine damnit....need him ta b n shape ta kick my ass at checkers when i get back now don i? o btw....i love you brett ....n i will when i come back too =) ull c.....

neways yalls tc n i will b back as soon as i find wat ima looxn for......miss yall muchlies......
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

2006-04-21T16:44:00.000-07:00

well as of the 1st of may i wont b callin this home nemore....i guess i will but it wont b the place i lay my head down ta sleep nemore....we r goin up ta chris's tonite n takin my hottub wif.....she bought it from me since she wanted ta help out n jes give me money but i wasnt havin ne of that....so ya lol......cara n mason r takin his car n jer is borrowin nates truck for the drive up ta des moines n ima borrow sum suitcases etc etc......n the four of us r gonna spend the wknd up there wif stone n chris....then come back n start packin n head there next wknd....im scared more than anything....ive never been too far from home.....n when jer leaves itll jes b me n cara......this is the rite thing....ik this cuz im bout ta back out....s'why i talkd cara inta goin back sooner n even she had plannd.....the last post ya seemd a bit peeved.....well thats cuz i was......i don get y i cant jes let go like he has.....meh....he thinks ima happy w/o him...as if......he will never kno how much i love him.....n i will never understand y i still do even now =`( ....

newhos....i gotta get away from this online bs too.....n yes i wont lie i am runnin.....but if i don i will lose myself completely n things.....n i wont have ta stick round n c how things turn out....meh........when i come bak ill b stronger......n ill b the person i was b4 i started ta get lost....

2006-04-20T23:18:00.000-07:00

fukn hell........this love shit.....i want out......hes gone.....along wif his love.....so y am i still here? so he can play his lil games wif me......sayin bla bla ima move on like he fukn cares.....sayin c u can b happy w/o me........ha......good ta kno my act fools sum ppls at least i guess.....i need ta get the fuk outta this place soon.....im lost n if i stay ima lose myself completely.....i want outta here....i want outta love........who the fuk am i kiddin i don want outta love i jes want things ta b okies *cries n screams* fukn hell ......its like he expects me ta cry on his shoulder still....ya ima cry on ya shoulder that i want u back so u can continue messin wif my head....messin wif my heart n emotions....act like u care bout me movin on wif sum otha guy when u fukn don give a flyin fuk .....n then act all fukn innocent like u dunno wtf ur doin ta me......so wat if i move on? u don care so stop buggin on it......jes fukn stop ya games.....im notta fukn game ta b playd wif....

forever & always

2006-04-20T16:53:00.000-07:00

forever :
For everlasting time; eternally
At all times; incessantly
A seemingly very long time
for a limitless time
seemingly without interruption; often and repeatedly
for a very long or seemingly endless time

always :
At all times
For all time; forever
At any time; in any event
at all times; all the time and on every occasion
seemingly without interruption; often and repeatedly
at any time or in any event
forever; throughout all time

two of the most over used words n the world....*shakes her head*....two words ive lost faith n....theres only two things i thought lasted forever n always....one is goodbye....the otha true love....meh....mayb ive jes lost faith n love.....ppl should think b4 they speak....when u say forever/always sumtimes ppl believe u.....

2006-04-19T21:28:00.000-07:00

they say u go back ta wat u kno when ur lost....this blog is wat ik....n lost.....ha......im more n that....i tried startin notha blog....jes dint feel rite.....so here i am once again.....n idc if neone even reads this....i never started this for neone ta read it....ive been round for a lil ova a yr now......started this blog after one of my moments n lack of judgement wif a certain person......i started comin online for a break from my hectic life......never imaginin id b sittin here ova a yr l8r....n have so much ta look back at.....lets c.....ive had two small crushes {james & rob} when i first started....n soon after i met mark......*shakes her head*....lookin back i cant honestly say if he ever askd me out or not....n thats not really the point....the whole thing wif him taught me sumfin....ppl r not wat they seem.....not here.....even i myself was one of these ppl.....not nemore.....i no longer care wat neone thinks of me....im me......take it or leave it.....n i can say that honestly cuz sumone taught me ta b strong enuff ta b myself....neways....i wont recap cuz ik wat ima talkin bout n like i said i don expect nor care if neone reads this.....of the ppl ive met one of the first ones would b my online bro rick.....n i still talk ta him today....among a few others.....this blog soon turned from the confusion of wat i thought was love....ta me actually findin my first true love......our ups n downs....n how we stuck together through it all.....til now.......durin alla this a few friends ive lost.....n a few.....well i guess we jes dint make the time.....*shrugs*.....thats the way of life tho....sum ppls come n sum ppl go....wif true friends u never have ta worry bout hearin "goodbye".....ive had ta grow up alot this past yr......n sum ppls c online life as completely diff from the real world....i don....i stayd hidden behind a front of sorts i led ppls ta believe was me....im good at that.....puttin on a face ppls can accept......the happy one......s'why i started this blog......i needed sumwhere ta take that face off......now im not sure i need this ne longer.....idc wat ppl think of me.....im me.....sumone showd me how ta stand on my own two feet.....n face the world head on.......mayb ive lost this person outta my life as he used ta b as i wish i hadnt.....but he has made me a better person.....a stronger one.....that doesnt mean i even so much as like myself now....i jes kno if ppls don like me for me they r not worth my time....i don change for neone but myself.....ive had plenty of things that have caused me ta not only grow up but b strong enuff ta take the next few steps of my life on my own.....wif this said i have decided ta move wif a friend of mine....wasnt spose ta til mid of next month....but now that ive given her my answer that i will b going shes anxious ta get back......this is the email i sent out ta a few ppls ta let em kno wat was goin on if they cared...
I've been asked to move to Arizona with a friend of mine. I've decided this is the best thing for me at this time. I've been lost even more so of lately, and I guess you could say I'm going to try to find my niche in the world. Somewhere I feel like I belong. I have completely stopped my schooling for the past several months because of home life issues etc. And I will be continuing my schooling there. And I will also have a few options as to different part time jobs as well. For those of you who have taken the time to get to know me, I will miss you. But I need to do this for me. My home situation is not one of the best and I need to get away from it and learn how to make it on my own now. My parents are in the process of getting a divorce finally and things are not nice around here. My dad is dealing with whatever so I can live on my own, otherwise I would end up having to move with my mom once the divorce is final. And that just isn't going to happen. Anyways, I'm not sure if I'm keeping my computer or not. I may either sell it for extra money though I don't need it, or I may keep it in case I do ever move back. I'm not sure of much at the moment other than this is whats best for me. I would say this move isn't going to be permanent but I've been told once I get there I won't want to come back, so I won't make empty promises. I will be around for at least another week after that I'll be busy packing and what not. Sorry I'm not big on goodbyes, so if you wish to talk before I go ya. Take care all. Angel Lynn Smith
of the friends i thought i had made...only two have askd me ta stay n touch....guess that says it all really....i may come back ta find they r the only ones who even remember so much as my name....let alone me......then again time changes ppl....i don expect ta come back the same young naive lost and sad girl i will b leavin as.....i hope ta come back as a young lady who knos her place n this world.....wif confidence....knowin no matter wat the world throws at me i can handle it.....on my own.....n mayb wif a lil help from sum true friends when needed....the naive lil girl inside of me hopes ta come back ta find him w8n for me......enuff said wif that one.......life goes on.....ppl move on... even if we don want em ta.....life goes on......even if we don move along wif it.....

2006-03-21T21:40:00.000-08:00

ik the last post was spose ta b the last post ever for this blog...but this one is for sure....i started this blog ...n then i found my first love...the love of my life...n as a few ppls kno the last day has been a bad one for me...the worst one ever if im goin ta b honest wif myself...the pain i feel is so immense i cant put it inta words...n as im cryin as i type this ima try n make it short...yes im home...no im not okies...n i don think i ever will b....the hardest words ta hear from neone r goodbye...i heard them last nite...the love of my life...my other half...{better half at that} tol me goodbye....*cries*....that is y this is the end of this blog...this blog dint start out ta b a diary of r rela....but thats pretty much wat it soon became...i wont delete it...sumday when im not n so much pain i will b able ta come back n loox at it...but knowin i lost my soul mate...i jes cant deal wif it now...thx ta those ive gotten ta kno on via this blog....im now sayin goodbye ta this blog tho...

goodbye is forever....
=`(

2006-03-20T22:25:00.000-08:00

this is officially the last post for this blog....it was nice knowin yalls.....thx for everythin....tc of urselves....goodbye =`( ....

Dr. Dawn

2006-03-20T20:32:00.000-08:00

a big thx goes out ta dawn for keepin me n check...if it wasnt for her i wasnt goin ta come back at all...theres no way i can repay her for how shes helpd me...
" If you want things to work out between the two of you, then you HAVE to get past these mental barriers you've put up."
"Try to get past the mental barriers and give trust a chance. "
u ever had that person who tells u wat u need ta hear? whether u wanna hear it r not??? lol....this is a good thing tho...sumtimes u need sumone ta tell u how it is...i dunno wat ive done ta b able ta call this person my friend...but ik friends like her r rare...n im thankful for all shes done for me...thx hun...*huggles*
{ps...if i had the $$ ur check for services rendered would b n the mail=p}

2006-03-20T20:16:00.000-08:00

its time ta come outta the closet so ta speak....NO im not a les r nuffin like that...jes time ta b honest...im not blond...nor am i thin....ima brunette....n atm i weigh 164lbs..yes...u heard me rite...thats after losin 11lbs....bleh....will i eva post a pic of myself on my blog...no i wont...this is the secret ive kept for bout a yr r so...n only a few ppls kno bout this...those who read my blog ona reg basis already kno this bout me...*sighs*.....so there it is....as ta my last post...the past is now ashes...n thats where i plan ta leave it...im done runnin...im done hidin...bretts stuck by me wif the hell ive put him through...its time ta stick round n work things out...cuz hes worth it...hes so worth it...n its time i gave him n r rela my all...its time i stoppd throwin the past/mistakes at him...n face wat im really scared of...wat the real probs r...its me...my fears...my insecurities...n as hard as they will b ta overcome...im goin ta do it...RAWR!!!

2006-03-20T17:45:00.000-08:00

=`( ....i dunno wtf im doin nemore...im home again..early ta stop sumone from worryin ova me..sumone who thinx i don care...sumone i love wif my all....everytime we fite i think bout the past...RAWR!!! ik wat ima do....im write down everythin...from the past....n ima burn it all.....*sighs*...n when the last of the fire is gone....im hopin that will bring sum sorta peace ta my soul...my heart...its time ta let go...the past is jes that..the past...its time ta work on the here n now...once the past pains r burnt out...i will NOT bring w/e up again...i will NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT!!!!!! its gone n done n ova...thats it...as for the otha inner struggles ive been havin...self esteem issues etc etc...thats sumfin ima have ta continue workin on...y do i have such a hard time wif things wif him....gah...i want...i want the negative voices n my head ta stop...the ones tellin me im not enuff...not ta trust....ta run n never look back....ive come so close ta jes goin n not even sayin goodbye...ta cuttin the string tyin my heart ta him...n never lookn back...cuz i don wanna kno r c the pain i may r may not have caused ta sumone i love so much....i need him...but does he really need me??? how do ik if he does r not??? the amount of emails i get from him?? the amount of times he says "i love you"??? *cries*.....neways im off ta make the list ta burn n forget bout....tis way past time....

the 3 nutsketeers =p {3/10}

2006-03-20T11:47:00.000-08:00

okies this mite b a lil long...i couldnt quite decide wat ta put n wat not ta put...but me n coupla otha nuts had quite the time last nite...hehe...no names but u kno who u r =p

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
slides down on her ass
lol
lmao
dun mind me, imma in a weird mood tonight
imma blame ***** :P
well kno u wif 2 nuts:P
It shows
lmao
lol
I know all too well what it's like to have 2 nuts
lol hunnie, two nuts is all ya need :P
rofl
lmao
*coughs*
lol
*chokes*
c wat i have ta put up wif ****?
ebulness i swear it
lol
he corrupted innocent lil moi
*Innocent*
Ha!
lmfao yeah well dun ferget you make me spit all over ma screen!
You were naughty before I met you
pfft was not
*chokes again*
lol I heard about that
lmao
Alllll her fault!
(A)
lol
pffffffffffft, see how the halo is wonky there?
well if he deserves a day i do too damnit
lmfao
hmph
lol
Mum agreed with that
*throws a tanty*
hahahahaha
Year 8 kids who were sent to the sick bay at school were colouring in tampons with red texta and throwing them out the window yesterday, and the watering system came on last night.
omfg!
lmao
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oooooooooops
lol
Nut
lmao
who u callin nut u nut?
I ain't no nut
am I?
aitey i need a potty break b4 me wet meself on account of u 2s:P
lmfao
lol
bleh I sound like a donkey on speed ffs!
*falls offa her chair ina fit*
lol
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ahhwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
rofl
omg
lol
Arf! Arf!
lmao omg he so does that seriously
fukn seal noises
rofl
pmsl
lol
among many otha ones
*Makes hippo noises*
hippos make noises?
lmao
wtf
They do now. :)
lmao
lol
*checks a zoology report*
lmao
*shakes her head n tried ta catch her breath*
lol
woooo doggy
I dun wanna woo a doggy, I did that wif ma ex and by god he was a dog alright!
lmao
feckin nose like pinnochio ffs
eh?
lol
*confuzzled*
you bever saw pinnochio?
nver too
feck
lmao
lol
NEver!
i htought u said beaver
lol
wtf
rofl
So did I
omg
I can't stop laughin!
cant c ta type
lol
lmao
oh how original is this? a tv cook show called sugar
all she makes is desserts
hmms not so original id say
oooooooh
chocolate
*drewlz*
*hands **** *****'s bib*
lol
*****'s bib?
ummm ....
??
lmfao
tis a joke
lol
well why din ya say that ffs
here's me finkin you was bein all kinky
I was bout to suggest ya gets a room dammit
lmao
lol
well don ask wat its for then:P
lol
lol
*Hides*
wll wtf ya expect lol when ya type fings like dat?
*loox at ***** *
ask him
* fergets ta breathe*
lol
omfg!
*****...it's okay
I'll spare ya
lol
lol
Luckly me
lmao
:P
n ima get a big ol marker
n write
PEPPY on it
lol
*refuses ta ask*
lol
It's safer that way, ****.
lmao
hmms..lets jes say his "story" was edited
*coughs*
lol
rofl
omfg
lol
Jane loves Tarzan <--------- ain't that s'posed ta be the other way round?
lol
mm i fink so ya
lol
well someone fucked their blog name up then!
*pounds on her chest n makes tarzan noises*
ooooooooooooiajfoeianfaoiiooooooooooooooooooo
lol
omfg
you bitch!
I spat again!
brb
gotta grab tissues!
*hangs her head n shame*
lol
c..this way she neva has a dirty screen
me makes sure :P
lol
no but it gets sticky
So does mine
and not from ****'s bad aim either! :P
lol so does *****'s...erm
i mean wat?
For different reasons I hope
lol
lol
and when I say ****'s bad ain. I really mean ...erm ... never mind ...
aim*
lmao
lol
Goes for the mouth... You move... It hits the computer screen... You complain that he's a bad shot
That what ya mean?
rofl
lmfao
*Hides*
I spit honey!
okay ... I so did NOT just say that!
Ummm... Charming
lmfao
Yes, you did just say that.
feck
no
she typied it
typed* even
lmao
lol
Smartarse
wtf typied
typied.... I like that rofl
lol
Phrase Of The Week: Typied.... Meaning: What happens when ya high on caffeine and lurvin
lmao
lol
lmfao
rofl
*is soooo fuckin killing herself laughin*
I have a blog too *****
I know
I posted earlier tonight and ***** read it
and then she's here sayin she was lost lol
im always lost
lol
***** leads me astray
lol
Then have my way with you, and lead you back.
dear gawd above
*hastily shuts her eyes*
did you find ma blog?
Yeah
okies
lol ur lucky if he eva leaves a comment
me n ***s talkd ages bout how ta get him ta leave one lol
lmfao
Who?
Me?
you!
u
I leave some
so is that before you wank or after?
After.
I mean.. What?
lmao
*Hides*
lmfao
omg....dyin....must breathe....
lol
lol
if I wake *******, I'm so blaming you guys
kies ***** if she stop sbreathin tis ur job ta wake **** up ta give her cpr
yeah...touch me bewbs and imma scoop yer balls out wif a rusty spoon
lmao
lol
Ye-arg!
Me be-ith a pirate!
lmao
*Struts around in his pirate pants*
lmao
omg
u memba that post of urs ****?
rofl
of those pants?
omfg!
lol
rofl
hold on a sec
imma find the pic
lol
Argh!
mayb they make sum for giants 2 babe:P
lol
Maybe
IF so, don't buy me a pair.
awww:(
lol
Awww
If you're a good girl i'll wear them
picccyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
rofl
But I aint going outside
I'll probably get deported
lmfao
omg u found it
Thank god I can't see it
yeah lmfao
don leave much ta the imagination tho:P
oh you can't?
Nope
And I intend to keep it that way
*****, imma send it to you an you send it to him k?
kkies
...
Why would I accept it?
It shows a guys cock
cuz u wuv me :P
lol
it dun show a guys cock
well
not as such
And that's why i'm accepting a picture of some guy dressed a pirate with his dick sticking to the side of his pants?
*Sighs*
lmao
yups
dats y:P
u wuv me plain n simple:P
*giggles insanely*

=`(

2006-03-20T11:45:00.000-08:00

had a dentist apt today..had ta come home ta get sum things of mine cuz im spendin sumtime at a friends place for a bit...dunno how long but thought id do a quick lil post while i was here...my mouth is fukn killin me now that the numbies r wearin off *cries*...add ta that i have 3 dentist apts set up for next month =O ......bleh...newhos i have ta go watch a friends lil rugrat for the next coupla hrs....n i prolly wont b round home ta do nemore posts for a few days r longer...tc yall.....l8rs...

2006-03-19T08:56:00.000-08:00

me n my dad got inta a nasty fite this mornin n ima n the process of looxn for a fukn job....gah....im bout ta the point ima jes run away...i h8 how angry my dad gets n that he thinks im sumone he can jes yell at n bleh...doesnt help my self esteem ne...seems now that my moms not round nemore hes pickin up where she left off...n he never used ta b this way =`(....makin things worse i come online n chekcd my emails n not one from my baby *cries*...the time i coulda used a lil pick me up...jes ta kno sumone missd me n cares...pfft...which i guess ima have ta get used ta...becs is spendin the rest of the wknd wif her sis n c'n the baby again n she will lose her net on monday so she wont b round for quite a while now =`( ...alla this does not lead to a start of a good day...not at all...neways enuff of me cryin on n on...bleh...hope the rest of urs days r betta n mine has been...

followin ur heart...

2006-03-18T12:25:00.000-08:00

the otha nite brett tol me he wishd we could go back ta the way things were wif us...ta which i said i dint...which i fink confuzzled him quite a bit...we have had more than r fair share of downs...when weve hurt each otha...tears...heartbreak...so y wouldnt i wanna go back ta when things were good?? its simple...weve come so far...weve weathered many storms...n id like ta think ik him betta n ive ever known neone else...ik hes not perfect...nor am i myself perfect....but love isnt perfect...ur not always gonna b happy...id rather fite n know we can make it through the bad times than have a smooth steady rela...how can u grow closer w/o those storms??? i don think u can...so wat if u fite sumtimes...ya tis shit n sux ass....but if u kno when the fites done...that person still gonna b there by ur side...thats wat matters...love conquers all...i find that so true...othawise y would i still b round??? still so n love wif sumone whos broken my heart?? does it still hurt?? yes i wont lie...at times the past still hurts me...i don like that fact of sum of the things n the past 'tween us no...the hurt...pain...tears...depression....n knowin ive hurt sumone i love wif my everythin...if we went back ta the good times...we wouldnt b us...we wouldnt kno each otha so well...n i don think r love would b as strong as it is today...newhos..s'all for now folks =p~

2006-03-17T21:30:00.000-08:00

bleh....so far ive lost 9lbs...tis slow goin tho..this all n a lil ova 3wks now i fink......*sighs*...n tonite..well i dunno but tis one of those nites im beatin myself up....ive always h8d myself...n im findin it hard ta believe sumone can truly love me for me...the way i am now...yes im workin on improvin outter appearances...ive workd so long on improvin my inner self...now its far past time i work on the outside...mayb once i can honestly say i at least like myself ill b able ta believe sumone is capable of lovin me as i am....as it stands i feel unloveable...how can sumone else love me when i cant even love myself??? jes seems impossible...i guess my impatience jes wishes i could b how i wanna b like NOW!!!...n thats jes not happenin....bleh....now that becs is gonna b gone from online i think ima take sum time away as well...this is a big fing for me n it mite take sum time...ill b round from time ta time...but tis time ta work on this...least ta where i like me...*sighs*

sumfin dif...

2006-03-16T17:08:00.000-08:00

The United States has the highest rates of STDs in the industrialized world.
jes sum links:
stds/hiv

"Although more than 65% of American youths engage in sexual intercourse by the age of 18, the U.S. Congress continues to allocate $50 million per year for state abstinence-only education programs."- link
sadly that sounds like a major waste of $$$ ta me =/...

stds
std stats n the us
stds/stis
"STDs IN THE U.S.
— 65 million people in the U.S. have incurable STDs
— At least 1 in 4 Americans will contract an STD in their lifetime
— Teenagers make up one-fourth of all new STD infections
— Herpes is the most common STD in the U.S., affecting 45 million people
— Hepatitis A and Hepatitis B are the only vaccine treatable STDs"
- link

worldwide std stats

this is sum scary stuff...makes u really fink bout things...*shivers*...makes me more sure of my choices ive made...

2006-03-16T00:58:00.000-08:00

bleh.....yesterday was pretty uneventful....otha than n erm...interestin email from sumone *cough*...which i could b completely evil n share but tis a norty one ;) ....ahems...n my babykins sent me s'more piccies =D *drools* omg omg omg....yummies =p~~~~~~~~~~ n i would post em but....now that he has his own blog....ik wat would happen....hed end up puttin my fuglies up as payback n trust me u don wanna c my fugly mug...bleh....tis scary enuff looxn n the mirror yikies....gah....im back ta stay up l8 again =S...bleh...i sooooooo need a good nites sleep....me have ta go looxn for a job today bleh....tis all for now.....

2006-03-14T22:26:00.000-08:00

*shakes her head*...i shoulda stayd gone...i come home ta shit...the past 2 1/2 - 3 days ive been sicker n shit wif a nasty headache....n went out today wif sum friends n went bak ta one of their houses n layd on the floor listenin ta music jes zonin out hopin the headache wouldnt get ne worse n come home ta get accused of messin round wif one of my guy friends...fukn nice ...of all things...id expect sumfin like that from my mom...meh...w/e....thx for thinkin so lil of me...tis nice ta kno...

2006-03-14T10:28:00.000-08:00

bleh...i had ta turn on the word verification thx ta sum weirdos leavin fukd up comments...soz ppls...ik it can b annoyin....*sighs*....ive lasted this long w/o havin ta worry bout doin that...guess i sumhow slippd by their radars til now...hopefully afta a lil bit i can take it off...but its gonna stay for now ta keep their porn links comments offa my blog....RAWRIES!!! damn u ppls...personally i find it annoyin ta have the word verification on...n i dint think id eva have ta put it on my blog...but it only takes a lil extra time ta leave ur comments so ya...soz yalls...ya can thank those ppls who have left sum ratha fukd comments n ya....newhos....as yall kno ive been looxn inta gettin a dif puta...n now i fink i mite get this one ...itd b cheaper...PLUS!!! u can send n ur old putas etc etc...n they give u money for em =) how coolies is that? ofc depends on the condition of ur puta....info bout their trade in/recyclin program here ...the catch is u have ta purchase a gateway puta tho =p...but im looxn inta doin jes that so tis okies for me =) ...u can also find info bout otha programs like it at that link =p~....
ona dif note...i got very lil sleep last nite...n today still have the headache ive had for coupla days now =( ....last nite was a fukd up nite...head hurt 2 bad n was so tired n couldnt sleep =`( ...i hoped id wake up n the headache would b gone but ya rite....pfft...tisnt as bad as it was...atm at least....but ik if i go ta do nethin ima b hurtin pretty bad...yesterday was so bad i decided ta take the day off from my exercise routine....n thankfully dint gain nethin cuz of it...now im jes like =O if i take 2 days off ima have a hard time gettin back on track...*sighs*...hmms...sum fings have come up n i will b spendin even less time online than i have been recently...ill b round jes ya....neways nuff for now =p l8rs

happy bday sam

2006-03-13T20:48:00.000-08:00

bleh....sooooooo.....loox like i wont b takin those diet pills afta all...lets jes say im one of the unlucky ones who had sum of the worst of the side effects it can cause...namely n anxiety attack...n ive been sufferin from a headache all day today....feel like shit....loox like ima have ta either try sumfin else...r jes shape up the ol fashion way.....*rolls her eyes*....bleh....im thinkin tis jes cuz of my high caffeine intake usually on top of the caffeine n the pills that caused this n ya...but im NOT willin ta risk it n take nemore....my head has felt like tis gonna explode for the past 3hrs r so...n i ended up spendin mosta today n bed......til bout 2pm r so at which time my friends draggd my ass out ta celebrate sams bday.....*sighs*...newhos me missd my babykins so ima go talk ta him while i can =) .....l8rs....

2006-03-12T15:01:00.000-08:00

Find the second letter in ur first name
A-Beautiful
B-Christian
C-Pretty
D-Jewish
E-Gorgeous
F-Retarded
G-Boyish
H-Outstanding
I-Emo
J-Gothic
K-Punky
L-Popular
M-Slutty
N-Nerdy
O-Hot
P-Gay
Q-Lesbian
R-Sexy
S-Lesbian
T-Girly
U-Ugly
V-Wonderful
W-Geeky
X-Bitchy
Y-Under-appreciated
Z-Over-appreciated
NOW THE SECOND LETTER iN YOUR LAST NAME.<3
A-Slut
B-Boy
C-Bitch
D-Obsesser
E-Sex machine
F-Retard
G-Geek
H-Hunk
I-Girl
J-Goth
K-Nerd
L-Motherfucker
M-Beauty queen
N-Crackwhore
O-babe
P-Punk
Q-Queen
R-Alcoholic
S-Princess
T-Fucker
U-stud
V-Jackass
W-loser
X-Scaredy-cat
Y-Coward

mines bitchy bitch....o w8...thats wat it should b =p~...naw i got nerdy beauty queen lmao ... as if...

2006-03-12T12:25:00.000-08:00

okies....i got my pills.....xenadrine efx.....so ima c if they work =)....they betta r else rawr!!!!....lol....n ima get me a new puta sumtime wifin the next month =D.....im finkin ima get this one ...keep n mind ik nuffin bout putas lmao...i jes want sound xp n more space...n ta b able ta burn off sum songs..so ya.....*shrugs*....if neone knows of a betta one r if this is okies for wat i need ur input is muchlies appreciated =p.....im outties for now...mwahs ;)

2006-03-11T18:09:00.000-08:00

*whistles innocently* dum de dum.....o....hewwos =p~ lol....hmms...jes wanted ta warn yas my baby now has a blog =O ....i thought t'was my duty hehehe...

2006-03-09T22:07:00.000-08:00

Everyday I think of you
And all the things that we could do
We could run and laugh and play
And be together everyday

I love you with all my heart
And have done so since the very start
You're beautiful in every way
And to me that's how you'll always stay

Angel you my baby girl
That i'd love to kiss, hug and twirl
Of the things I think of every day
Is one thing in which i'd love to look you in the eyes and say

You're beautiful, Angel. I'm in love with you. I'm in love with every part of you, with every part of me. I'll love you forever, hun.

sumfin from my baby =)

2006-03-06T21:38:00.000-08:00

*sighs*....as sum of u may have noticed i havent been online near as much as i usually am...i have a few personal reasons for that.....one tho bein ive jes gotten 2 lazy n doesnt help me n my goal ta get n betta shape...ta which i will say so far ive lost 6lbs =)....ik tisnt much but its a good start...n i don think its 2 bad considerin thats n jes a lil ova a wks time =) ...*pats herself on the back* =p......newhos....my new yrs resolution was ta get rid of the ass monkeys n my life...n i think hopefully afta coupla ppl i jes sent emails ta read wat i said i will b 2 ass monkeys short =p r sumfin like that lol....which im sure i will b.....c'n as they r 2 guys ....n ya....my "lil secret" as ive calld it helps that situation jes a bit...newhos...hmms...nuffin much else goin on wif me...*sighs*...i fink i need ta do sumfin wif my blog tho...a facelift r sumfin...sumfin new at least...seems my blog has a bad case of the blahs =( ....

2006-03-05T18:36:00.000-08:00

There are some things that a woman shouldn't say to me.
Like what?
"Hold on, I have to mount my outdoor thermometer."
::snicker::
All I could think to say was, "Mercury Rising." (g)

so i was spanking-the-monkey for all it was worth and just about to cum
when my dad bangs on the door
i say "i'm comming"
and my dad says "that wont help you open the door"
now i am going to need theorpy for life!

2006-03-05T04:50:00.000-08:00

hmms....i dunno how long ive been gone.....coupla nites mayb....jes beein ova at a friends house hangin out watchin movies n drinkin =p .....n i finally got round ta watchin house of wax.....which i had nfi that paris hilton was n......she musta had ta pay ta get a part n it is all i can say cuz she has no actin skills...tho for mosta the movie she don say too much lol....jes looses sum clothes n makes out wif sum guy *rolls her eyes* sounds bout like her i fink neways...*cough*.....tis a trippy movie....so ya....ive been tryin ta stop thinkin bout meetin up wif him....n r last talk on the phone was quite depressin t'wards the end...i dunno y i botha thinkin bout plannin things out when i jes have this gut feelin nuffins gonna come from it...y plan sumfin 2+yrs ahead of time...not only feelin it wont happen....but knowin how long that is n knowin things can change wif us...so my friends finally got my mind offa things for coupla days r so....drinkin does that.....n trippy movies do too =S......*shakes her head*...now im back home tho n meh....guess ima jes have ta deal wif the shit n my head...don matta wat my gut feels ...cant stop thinkin bout wat it would b like =`( .....2 yrs is a hell of a long time ta w8 jes ta b able ta hug sumone u love so fukn much.....the last thing on my mind as i fall asleep every nite nemore is wat it would b like if we were together...n im not sure im eva gonna b able ta get rid of those images.....its jes like a knife ta my heart...this thing inside me sayin ill neva kno wat that would b like.....*sighs*....newhos enuff of that stuff....makes me depressd ..

2006-03-01T10:50:00.000-08:00

hmms.....seems i cant sleep even tho im tired as eva...been ona cleanin frenzy =S.....bleh....n i keep picturin this stupid friggin commercial i havent seen n ages...sum jewelry one...where theres this guy n lady n he starts yellin " I LOVE THIS WOMAN" ova n ova n she gets all embarassed...then he hands her w/e n she whispers "i love this man...i love him i love him..." thats wat i want....sumone ta love me that much ta not b afraid ta jes scream it out like that....tho i have ta admit...if my boi was ta do that when we meet....r here...gah id bout die of embarassment....but........id love it too =p lol.....jes one of those things i guess ;) .....newhos.....ive been doin lots of thinkin bout stuff bout my last post...mayb i don actually h8 her...more wat she did that i h8...*shrugs*...neways tis a waste ta spend my time angry...life goes on...n its too damn short ta waste that way newhos =).....tis actually nice out today so im plannin on goin for a walk...nuffin betta ta do neways...n im thinkin of tryin ta find a diet pill...sam took these ones that had her bout bouncin offa the walls tho lol.....sams always been a lil like that but wow...so ya...gotta find sumfin thatll help burn fat r sumfin like that....n rawries....only thing bout losin w8 im worried bout...is my boobs gettin smaller lmao...BUT....that i can live wif =p....n once im n shape n how i wanna b.....well......lets jes say im not gonna b like janet jackson n do the whole yo yo thing.....gah......i don get it...if i was buffd like her...i so would neva let myself get ta how big shes gotten......not that im like fat fat .....jes .......hmms...how ta put this...do i call myself fat.....YES lol....compared ta the ppls n mags i would b i spose...but meh...if i had paris hiltons body id h8 myself still...friggin skinny ass toothpick is wat she is....n a fugly one at that......newhos....im not settin a limit ta wat ima lose...r a size i wanna b...im not pickin a w8 cuz muscle weighs more n fat...n ya...cant always go by that neways...i jes wanna b happy wif myself...thats all =) .....newhos.....dats all for now =p

hate

2006-03-01T08:22:00.000-08:00

had a bad nite......went off ta b by myself....well....ya....was a shit nite honestly.....one of those times i was close ta givin up.....but i dint...jes took sum me time.....n cried ofc..... my dad was n the hospital last nite for chest pains n noone could find me n ya.....i ended up goin ova ta scoots n they tol me n nate pickd me up n took me....nuffin ta do wif his heart thankfully....was sum acid reflux thingymabob r sum shit.......*shrugs*.....ive been up all nite n feelin even shittier n b4 so if im not round today im prolly n bed sleepin r tryin ta at least....ima b okies......jes ya......ya kno its kinda funny.....only good thing i got from knowin mark was gettin ta kno becs....sames tru of kat...only good thing is i wouldnta met brett w/o her......tho mayb woulda been best for him if we hadnt met....
i guess ina way i was tellin him wat ta do....n i don feel good bout it....jes dunno how ta deal wif knowin hes friends wif her n worryin not only bout her hurtin him....but bout her tryin ta split us up....ik she don wanna b wif him nor does she love him.....i think it was jes she felt i was takin her friend from her r sumfin.....still....no friend does wat she did ta me....n im not sure wats gonna happen.....i cant make him understand how i feel bout things wif her......sposedly he dint tell her my secret that only a few kno bout......n i think hes tellin the truth there....cuz i think if he did shed b makin a big mess outta it....i jes don like the idea of her round tryin ta split us up....n thats wat she was doin......she tol him she jes dint like ta c us fightin n hurtin alla the time.....if that was the case she shoulda tried helpin instead of jes talkin bad bout us ta each otha n tellin us ta tell each otha ta fuk off....im not sure im makin ne sense atm....if im not soz.....like i said its been a long nite....n notta good one at that.....so ya.....*sighs*......brett askd wats gonna happen...if i still wanna talk ta him....n i do more than nethin....he doesnt realize when ppl tell me things....they r jes givin me their opinions....n if they do say bad things bout him its wats already known ta b true r wat not.....he tried comparin a friend of mine ta kat.....*shakes her head* i tol him the dif was she wasnt tryin ta split us up.......n tho sum of my friends here {sam,jer,nate,josh etc.} have said i SHOULD leave him....they try n help instead of jes tryin ta wreck things...wat she did....i dunno....im not sure if i can explain adequately how i feel bout it really....i now realize i have the capacity ta h8 sumone......i do.....i h8 her.....part of me is ashamed ta admit that....cuz ik its a waste of energy.....i jes don comprehend how sumone whos spose ta b such a good friend could do that ta me.....knowin how miserable we r apart......jes doesnt make sense......do ik brett loves me.....w/o a doubt i do.....am i completely ova bec....im workin on it.....do i love him.....i think thats more n obvious at this point.....im jes not sure where ta go from here....do i jes accept hes known her ages....n let it go.....knowin wat shes done ......knowin she could continue ta jes try n keep messin things up??? r jes say fuk it .....if he loves me no matta wat neone says....shouldnt matta....i guess thats true....only he can leave me....n the end it would b his choice.....ta leave me.....i guess i jes hope w/e things she says bout me now......w/e doubts she puts n his mind...he asks me bout.....thats the thought i cant stand....him havin a lil birdie on his shoulder so ta speak......against me.....relas r hard enuff r ours has been harder n most......w/o the added burden of this "lil birdie" workn against us.....mayb afta sum sleep ill b able ta think betta n kno jes wat i should do...mayb i already kno wat im gonna do dunno tho *sighs*...sumtimes i jes h8 bein me...truly sux...
one thing ive been askin myself is y now...y h8 sumone now....all i can come up wif is she messed wif my love....r sumfin like that neways...i mean wif sum of the things ive been through n ta not h8 sumone b4 now??? RAWR!!!! i think thats it...love...grrr...guess it don help she was spose ta b a friend....friends jes don do that...friends don talk bad bout u behind ur back...thats notta fukn friend...not n my books...ofc sum of my friends have said this rela isnt good for me cuz ive gotten hurt so much n they don wanna c me hurt...howeva they dint try n split us up gah...they also dint talk bad bout me n ya...
i guess its also bout me...my self esteem n confidence...wif the few ive chosen ta b myself...my true self wif...finally....ive neve liked myself...n i guess...i guess now that he knows the truth...its gonna b easier for her ta split us up...for neone ta split us up....sumday i will post my secret...sumday...there r a few ppls i havent tol yet who sumday i will...ive jes tol those i feel im closest 2...neways...ya i have no self confidence...mayb once i do...things like this wont matta...least im hopin...til l8rs..nuff bishin for now...

RAWR!!!!!!

2006-02-26T23:06:00.000-08:00

grrrrrrr!!!!!! fukn hell....my mind wont stop thinkin thinkin thinkin...n its bout the same things ova n ova n ova n ova n ova......not that its all bad stuff.....its not bad stuff....n its not jes that i cant stop thinkin its the speed of my thoughts......its like im n sum sorta friggin hurry n theres no reason.....rawr.....for bout a wk r so now ive been doin nuffin but thinkin bout us meetin up...where wed stay......wat wed do......n then ta top it off u have the actual meetin for the first time......the hype of the first kiss.....do i try n kiss him when i meet him? r jes a hug? is he gonna think ima bad kisser? omfg......STOP!!!!!!!! *shakes her head* ive seriously bashed my head against the wall many times n it don help ta stop the thoughts r my mind......*sighs*.......ima go crazy at this rate....padded room n straight jacket here i come.....

wats ur bday say bout u ? =p

2006-02-25T17:55:00.000-08:00

Jan. - i WANNA SHAG YOU
Feb. - i WANNA HAVE FUN WiTH YOU
Mar. -i WANNA DANCE WiTH YOU
Apr.- i WANT YOUR BODY
May.- i WANNA RUB YOU
Jun. - i WANNA TAKE YOU TO MY BED
Jul. - i WANNA liCK YOU
Aug. - i WANNA EAT YOU
Sep. - i WANNA TOUCH YOU
Oct. - i WANNA lOVE YOU
Nov. - i WANNA FEEl YOU
Dec. - i WANNA FUCK YOU

1- iN THE RAiN
2- iN THE STREET
3- ON A PARK BENCH
4- iN AN ElEVATOR
5- ON THE STAiRS
6- ON THE COUNTER
7- iN THE SHEETS
8- iN A ClOSET
9- ON ViDEO CAMERA
10- WHilE WATCHiNG PORN
11- ON YOUR MOM'S BED
12- iN THE BASEMENT
13- iN THE ATTiC
14- iN THE BATH TUB
15- iN THE DOG'S CAGE
16- iN THE SHED
17- IN THE HOT TUB
18- ON THE ROOF
19- iN THE SWiMMiNG POOl
20- iN THE HAMPER
21- AT MY GRANDPARENT'S HOUSE
22- iN THE lAUNDRY ROOM
23- AT A GAS STATiON
24- iN THE STATiON WAGON
25- iN THE DRESSiNG ROOM
26- oN thE ToiLeT
27- WiTH STRAWBERRiES
28- WiTH iCE CREAM
29- WiTH KiWi
30- AT THE POST OFFiCE
31- EVRYWHERE WE R

mines i wanna eat u at my grandparents house gah mine sux......coulda been sumfin betta like ermmmm....i wanna have fun wif u n the rain ;) thatda been muchlies betta indeed =D

my word cloud

2006-02-24T20:33:00.000-08:00

{stolen from dawn =D wat can i say i like fings like this =p}

2006-02-23T20:43:00.000-08:00

*sighs*.....i woke up wif a big smile on me face for once =D.....then me listend ta this song {one sweet day-mariah carey}n it made me cry......bleh......im ina good mood....jes sum sad things on my mind atm....sorta has ta do wif n email i got this mornin *sniff*.....seems itll b least 2yrs til we meet up =`( .... that n itself is sad enuff.....but this ...
"i'm joining the Army next year, and basic training is 8 months" is wat made that song so sad.....if u kno the song u kno y *sniff sniff*......bleh......neways....2yrs.....gah that seems like foreva....me b so lonely =( .......me goin ta go back ta me thinkin now...l8rs...

movin on n lettin go of the past...

2006-02-22T18:57:00.000-08:00

a close friend of mine tol me i needed ta let go of the past ...forgive n order ta move on n things would b okies....while at the same time lettin sumone kno the real me...ta find out ....he loves me for me....teachin me ta let go....the whole time id been tryin ta let go of things wif us...n when i messed up...all he said was... "im not mad...im not angry...im not disappointed...im in love with you and i will always be in love with you" .....my mistake was instantly erased jes for the simple reason he loves me.....he taught me ta let go of things....n this weight has been lifted offa my shoulders..the weight of more than the past as only 3 ppl kno bout rite now...n ive decided only those close enuff ta wish ta kno the real me will kno....many ppl hide behind sum facade online....n i found myself among those hidin....i neva expected ta b round this long....here i sit bout a yr l8r...wif sum very dear friends...n it may have taken me sum time ta b myself......n im sorry i wasnt b4....online u kno many dif types of ppls.....sum u can honestly say r ur true friends....sum r jes acquaintances...n sum u jes talk ta n rarely kno if at all otha than sum nick ona screen.....i was scared ta tell the ppl ive tol already....now i c my fears where wrong......they r true friends......n they like me for me.....the person i am.....ta my dearest friends...i love you all very muchlies.....n ta my sweety pie.....thank you.......n i love you so so so so muchlies mostest.....n yes i am happy for once.......n im happily taken =) ....me wuvs u baby =)

2006-02-22T05:08:00.000-08:00

Your Linguistic Profile:

60% General American English

20% Upper Midwestern

10% Dixie

5% Midwestern

5% Yankee

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

{ty dawn =)}

2006-02-21T12:04:00.000-08:00

1. city/town u grew up n

2. town/city currently reside n

3. first & last name

4. grams name

5. fave food

6. fave drink

7. fave smell

8. fave song

got this from dawn ofc =p~ usin google u have ta pick one pic from the 1st page of pics that pop up =) newhos these were mine

today is one of those days i shoulda jes stayd n bed...

2006-02-20T21:20:00.000-08:00

fukn hell......i dunno where ta start.....from the sec i woke up my days been shet....woke up early cuz i thought i had school......only ta memba was prez day.......woo fukn hoo......my girls kept me sane for mosta the day tho.....n one of em i made spit all ova her monitor =p......my bad.......i cant help it tho....if that friggin bastard has his own day i should have one too damnit.....wed call it umm.....hmm......i dunno wtf ta call it......lil bishys day =D......*shakes her head*......newhos.....where ta start w/o turnin it inta a novel like i so fukn could.....ill try n keep it short.....since wat happnd ......wat brett did i should say.....this ex friend of mine...shes been tellin me ta tell him ta fuk off.....n sayin all this bad shet bout him.....n for bout the past 3 wks r so she aint said so much as boo ta me.....last thing she tol me i memba was he was gay/bi wif sumone else online.....n i talkd ta the guy n tis bogus.....BS!!!! meh......newhos the topic n her room on irc was bout him fukn her anally r w/e....n ya.....wtf......sposedly a joke ......hardy fukn har har.....ic no humor n that wat so eva........newhos.....i emaild her n said sumfin bout that shet n ya.....i was tol i ova reacted bla bla bla n pretty much that im stupid n cant do rite by him.....n at the same time......this person who is spose ta b one of my close friends has been tellin him ta leave me.....like wtf...w/e.....all ima say bout that shet is i don need ne nemies if i have friends like that so ya.....she can kiss my friggin ass.......*sighs*.....i ended up havin ta get out of the house n ya.......he rang me.....gah...i yelld at him for a lil bit then hung up on him......n ya he calld back......dunno y cuz all i did was yell s'more at first....tis crazy shet.....fukn crazy......gah...i fink we talkd for bout 3hrs b4 he had ta go =( .....but id finished wif my yellin n ya.....dunno that we fixd nethin but least we wasnt fightin.....gah i h8 fightin wif him......but i have ta admit wes gettin pretty damn good at it....ta the point of annoyin certain ppls that ik of for sure......n mayb a few othas *cough cough*.....dunno wats gonna happen.....all im gonna say....is b careful wif who u call ya friends....sum of em r not really friends...not when they stab ya n the back.....n ya......doesnt feel so good ta realize how wrong u were bout sumone.....neva thought id put a girly n the ass monkey category but shes worse n that....much worse.....meh...

2006-02-20T12:31:00.000-08:00

Know Me, I Am Woman

Know that I am gentle,
I can be easily approached.
Know that I am eager to learn,
so take your time with me and teach.
Know that I am hungry for more than food;
know that my hunger can be met through my emotions.
Know that you can reach me, if you only try;
all it takes is kindness, patience, but most of all love.
All that I ask is that you know that I am Woman.
Know that when you see me struggling,
I won't mind the help;
I ask that you know my expressions-learn how I feel.
Know that I need to spend time with you;
it gets lonely when we are always apart.
Know that true love draws me;
please look deep into my eyes and see that I am
Yearning to be cherished- to be part of you.
Know that I am Woman.
Know that I am a reciprocator;
I give back that which I have been given.
Neither of us will go without when you know me.
Know that I need your individual attention;
I need you to listen and understand what I'm trying to say.
Know that I am in you corner,
even when things are bad;
it was for better or for worse.
Those were the words that we said.
Know that I am praying for you,
that you love for God will increase,
and that you would grow stronger in your walk with Him.
Know that I am Woman.
Know that I am in love with you;
so let me inside your heart.
Don't shut me out when you are hurting.
Let us go through together.
Can't you see when I am hurting?
Do you know what I am saying?
We are one.
God planned it that way.
It was so from the beginning.
We weren't meant to be alone in body or in soul.
Know that I need to be thought of;
to know that I'm on your mind makes me feel special.
I know that it may seem confusing trying to understand
and deal with all my needs,
but I told you from the beginning that I was a reciprocator.
You will get yours in return,
so let me teach,
and you learn that...
I am Woman.

~Tracy Bell

2006-02-19T04:48:00.000-08:00

jes when i thought my heart was startin ta heal.....i hear "goodbye".....words i could neva tell him.....how can u tell sumone so important ta u that??? i wouldnt dare....im fallin bak inta darkness.....the world ive strived so hard ta avoid....thinkin mayb this is the final time.....mayb this time i wont make it out....n not really carin....goodbyes have always been hard for me.....this goodbye is impossible for me ta face.......mayb if i ignore it.....it wont b so......my life is purposeless now.....n i no longer care......y should i???
*cries*
my bed is callin me.....tis time for hybernation.....

2006-02-16T19:25:00.000-08:00

ima b takin sum time away again ....im not sure how long r when ill b back fully...jes need sum time away from sum things atm....no matta how hard itll b i have ta take a break.....once again....
tc yall
<3>

2006-02-16T06:50:00.000-08:00

my johari
my nohari

thx ta dawn once again =p~

2006-02-14T05:49:00.000-08:00

2006-02-12T11:43:00.000-08:00

*sighs*......so i havent slept at all n the past two nites.....spent a few hrs this mornin fightin wif brett....who says he dint cheat on me......he "two timed"....n that we werent together when he fukd miss piggy...meh.....so wat.....n he said i broke up wif him.....well ya i have.....fuk if i membad how things went down.....so i went back through my blog *pats her trusty blog n bitchy posts* .....they came n handy =p.....wes always been on n off again as yall kno....but yes he did cheat on me.....n i fink ive been single since november =S...not that thats really a long time...tis for me sorta but ya....newhos he said we wasnt together .....but he was wif her 3 days b4 me n him split up the first time durin the time he was wif her 2 =/.....afta i found out bout her the 1st time we were on n off again several times that i found proof of on here.....n the last time we split....was when he assumd i wanted ta end things....n he had went bout a month r so thinkin we wasnt together while i was thinkin we were still "we".....*sighs*.....if ya confuzzled don worry tis fukn confuzzlin ik =/.....so ya....wat got us on this bad patch this time......well ill tell yas......we was on the phone.....n sorta messin round *coughs*...n this guy friend of his keeps callin his mobile cuz they was goin ta sum boat races r w/e....so i tol him ta answa so hed stop callin.....so they talkd n he comes back n tells me the convo....
him "im home alone n talkin ta angel"
friend "well fuk her" { r sumfin like dat}
him "im tryin ta"
friend "sorry m8 ill let ya go then"

not exact but close enuff newhos.....then l8rs this same friend texts him back sayin hes missin hot chicks =O ....so ya..i think his friend wouldnta said that if he dint think hed b interested n "sum hot chicks" ...bleh.......neways..enuff for now....l8rs....

2006-02-10T10:02:00.000-08:00

been ona lil expedition of sorts n found sum sites bout vic aus... one ive found so far i like muchlies.... n this would b a coolies place for a first kiss =p~ ...one among many places ive found i thought that bout ;) ...neways its a coolies site wif purdyful piccies =D ....

2006-02-08T05:28:00.000-08:00

okies...ive always wanted a chinchilla ...not that ima get one netime soon but ya.....theys so tute =D

2006-02-08T03:47:00.000-08:00

*sad*

2006-02-08T03:16:00.000-08:00

meh.....the past few days have suckd big time...had a bad headache n ya.....havent been home 2 much....i wont go inta details cuz im okies now....mostly....jes have alot on my mind that i cant seem ta shake....my mom calld me today.....*shakes her head* n ya....nate askd me ta go ta out this wknd n do sumfin...bleh....im not quite sure i have the energy yet....coupla nites ago i had a lil accident n fell down a 10ft drop off the side of the road....good thing it wasnt too steep....think i fukd up my left shoulder tho.....n got bangd up a bit but meh....seriously tho otha n that nuffin much has been goin on otha n me talkin ta brett on the phone...ta which all i will say is sum things....well yad have ta hear.....cuz jes sayin he makes fake hippo noises n seal noises...yad loox at me like im crazy.....newhos.....tis funny n yad have ta hear it....i think im almost back on my normal sleepin sched. not that i get newhere near the recommended 8hrs a nite tho...more like from 1am-4am if im lucky.....i do have n apt wif a new shrinky dink today tho =S....*shrugs*

2006-02-03T03:52:00.000-08:00

*sniff sniff* me n my dad got inta a major fite already this mornin....ended up me runnin outta the house n tears...n i was already upset from sumfin this mornin...gah....one thing afta notha...sum biatch calld me slutty....n ya sumone dint stand up for me.....idc wtf she thinks of me cuz ik im not the slutty one...jes lil hurt i wasnt defended *sniff*...then the shet wif my dad...neways nuff whinin for now....ona dif note i was talkin ta sum ppls the otha nite.....n got upset by sumfin {wats new} neways.....c'n as sum of my recent posts have been more of this nature i figd id go ahead n get it out here.....topic....oral sex....r more so bjs r w/e u wanna call em.....{when i have n opinion im usually pretty blunt wif things so ya lol}...neways sumone said if a girl suckd him off.....he wouldnt kiss her til she brushed her teeth......i was like omg no fukn way did i jes hear that...aite ik lots of guys r this way......BUT!!!!!!!!!!!! wtf...gah....that pisses me off sumfin bad.....for one ya should b thankful u found sumone who will do that...n for two she did it ta please ur whinin ass....n if she wants ta kiss ya afta .....ffs kiss her....wat makes matters worse....if a guy goes down ona girl....its kies for him ta kiss her afta...wtf is the friggin dif?? i do get the fact a guy don wanna taste their own shet but grrrrrr!!!! seriously.....if that happnd ta moi.....id tell the guy two things first.....id tell em ta suck themselves off r find sumone else who would.....afta i said fuk u ofc *smiles sweetly*.....neways.....thats all for now =p....

2006-02-02T08:04:00.000-08:00

You don't know jack shit
That's not true, I know him well
Haha
I'm serious
Jack is the son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, the deeply religious couple produced 6 children
Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.
However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.
She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt.
Two other of the 6 children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
So there.
LOL
I have actually chortled coke through my nose

go here for more =p {thx brett for the site =)}

2006-02-02T05:00:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Brett =D

ik its not ur bday yet...days ovalap n jes wanted ta make sure i posted it when it was ur bday for u n not jes here =p
*huggles n best wishes*

2006-02-01T18:45:00.000-08:00

You are Form 9, Vampire: The Undying.
"And The Vampire was all that remained on
the blood drowned creation. She attempted to
regrow life from the dead. But as she was
about to give the breath of life, she was
consumed in the flame of The Phoenix and the
cycle began again."
Some examples of the Vampire Form are Hades (Greek)
and Isis (Egyptian).The Vampire is associated with the concept of
death, the number 9, and the element of fire.Her sign is the eclipsed moon.
As a member of Form 9, you are a very realistic
individual. You may be a little idealistic,
but you are very grounded and down to earth.
You realize that not everything lasts, but
you savor every minute of the good times.
While you may sometimes find yourself lonely,
you have strong ties with people that will
never be broken. Vampires are the best
friends to have because they are sensible.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2006-01-31T23:28:00.000-08:00

okies .....ima lil tired of postin alot of the same things/subjects ova n ova....n mayb that one post got me goin sumwhere else....howeva...i will say this isnt gonna turn inta a sex blog lol......afta this post u may wonda but tisnt the case.....neways i got a lil story from sumone who wishes ta remain anonymous.....n they think its bad....i howeva disagree i liked it =p~......newhos w/o further ado.....here tis for ur viewin pleasure =D.....

I come home from work early and see that your in the kitchen, bending down to check on dinner in the oven. Wearing your usual skimpy dresses I can see your thong. I sneak up behind you and pinch the inside of your upper leg gently. You jump and turn around to see who it was. I smile at you cheekily and kiss you softly. You place a hand on the back of my head and kiss me passionately, gently parting my lips with your tounge. I drop my bag and put both hands behind you to holds you close to me. You unzip my pants with one hand while the other holds me to your kiss. We walk over to the table in the dining room, and while still kissing you I push everything off. I lift you up and sit you on the table and kiss your neck as you tilt your head and pull down my pants a bit. I reach around the back an unzip your dress, then pull it down to expose your breasts. With one hand I squeeze and rub your breast as I nibble your neck softly. You reach into my boxers to find me hard. You pull my boxers down a bit and begin to rub my hard cock. I lean down, kissing and sucking your breast, whilst my hand lifts back your dress and finds it way to your thong. You wrap a hand around my throbbing shaft and begin to move it up and down quickly. I pull aside your thong to find you wet. I rub a finger teasingly against your clit, as I kiss down your tummy and get onto my knees. You rest back on your hand as I kiss up the inside of your left leg. As I get to the top of your leg I switch and kiss down your right leg. I stop at the middle of you thigh, then gently lick your now dripping clit. I lick and suck the sides of your pussy as you place both hands on my head. I slide my tounge deep into you as you lean back on your hands again and spread your legs as far apart as you can. I roughly massage the inside of you with my tounge, as you then lay down on the table and squeeze and rub your breasts. I lick just inside your clit as I stand up and kiss your tummy. You place both hands on my cheeks and pull me into you, kissing me passionately. I place one hand on the table to stop me from falling, and use the other to guide my erect penis into you. I thrust hard as you moan and tilt your head back. You fold your legs up, as I place my hands on you hip and begin thrusting hard into you. You moan loudly with every thrust I deliver. I breathe heavily and thrust harder as you squeeze your breasts. I keep thrusting, harder, faster. Your loud moans turn into quiet screams of pleasure, as I thrust my cock deeper into you. You begin to scream louder and louder, as I thrust. I feel your tense around my cock as I cum deep into you. You stop screaming and breath heavily. I fall down next to you, exhausted. I then start rubbing your clit. You begin to moan again. I slides my fingers in and out of you, and rub you quickly. Your moans get louder and your legs begin to shake. I rub faster as I suck on your breast. I kiss you softly. You kiss me back then gasp as I keep rubbing your clit. You tilt your head back and let out one final moan as cum pours out of your pussy onto the floor. I smile at you and kiss the tip of your nose and you smile back, and say "I love you". I say "I love you too babe" and kiss you softly again.

2006-01-31T13:48:00.000-08:00

{borrowd from post secret...link found on the side--->}

2006-01-29T23:32:00.000-08:00

*coughs*....okies so loox like ima have ta do this post lol....i jes hope it comes out like i want it ta =S...sum of this post u may think omg tis tmi lol....if so i apologize b4 i get started...jes felt like doin sumfin dif ....sooooooo..... as most of u kno yes ima virgin....n this fact doesnt botha me.....but havin said that doesnt mean i have no sex drive...quite the opposite actually =p...i don think ya have ta have a partner ta have a sex drive...n the way ic it...by the time im wif sumone ill kno wat works n wat doesnt ;)....hopefully lol....but as of l8ly my sex drive has been pretty bleh n nonexistant...depression does that ive heard so ya...but its started wakin up coupla days ago thx ta sumone *coughs*.....growin up n the fam i have im still uncomfortable wif sumthings ...certain words n such....n this is pushin my erm.....comfortability lol....i don think thats a word but ya lol..im n no hurry ta b physical wif sumone....not sexually.....not sayin im not ready but ive neva needed neones help .....no i don own alla the lil sex toys there is.....honestly i don own one lol...talkin bout this here is a lil dif for me cuz i tend ta keep this type of thing more personal but ya =p....i have a friend { n no this isnt one of those times when a person says its a friend n they r talkin bout themselves lol} n shes gotta bf n all....n theyve had sex....but shes neva had n orgasm...i feel sorta bad for her lol.....one thing shes mentiond when we have r lil talks like this....is she don feel comfy masturbatin =O......lol soz thats one word i don say often lol....ahem...but one thing we agree on is its jes erm =S dunno weird actually stickin a finger inside of yaself lol...me....honestly tis more external stimulation....*shakes her head*...sam says this may cause probs wif my l8r when im actually wif sumone...reachin orgasm by penetration...but ik alot of females don reach r cant reach orgasm that way....guys have it so easy n this respect...i mean seriously....ive gotten so frustrated wif myself....even knowin wat works sumtimes my body has changd the order of wat works n tis quite annoyin......newhos lol....hmms...how ta change ova ta the next part of this post lol....hmms.....okies i dunno so ima jes jump inta it lol.....ppls have dif loox at this so ya....gah i may jes end up deletin this post lmao.....newhos.....lets move on ta the topic of cyberin.....ya u heard me i said it lol....yes i have done it....n only actually done nethin wif one person....more than jes typin i mean =S....n gah...ima jes say guys have it so easy once again....sumtimes a girl needs both hands ;).....n ya...a guy only needs one so tis easy for him ta type one handed...n now im sure sum of yas r either like =O r laughin ur asses off lol......this blows my angelic cova rite outta the water tho =P~....now tho i have no privacy wif my puta bein out n the open so ya....*growls*....newhos lol....n notha thing would b phone sex...ive neva done it.....but thats not sayin i wouldnt....now ik alot of ppl may not b okies wif this....but i don think theres nethin wrong wif either cyber r phone sex....not 'tween two ppls who have sumfin...but the rep phone sex gets...id neva call up a sex hotline for it...but i have thought bout actually tryin it wif one person....n gah ima b a lil embarassed if he reads this now *hides* .....lol....but i don want it ta b cheap n sleazy.....r howeva u spell that word lol....i dunno......newhos i fink ima stfu now ....

2006-01-29T06:57:00.000-08:00

okies.....ive been thinkin of doin a post thats a lil unlike me lol....n i may raise more n a few eyebrows....lol.....i may need s'more time ta think of wat all i wanna say n jes how much ta say lol...then again i may back out of the post completely lol....its bout time for a lil change tho....even if its jes one post ;)

2006-01-29T02:08:00.000-08:00

Welcome Back Becca =D

2006-01-28T09:40:00.000-08:00

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Angel!

South Australia was the first place to allow angel to stand for parliament.
Three seagulls flying overhead are a warning that angel is near.
Native Americans never actually ate angel; killing such a timid prey was thought to indicate laziness!
A chimpanzee can learn to recognize itself in a mirror, but angel can not.
Koalas sleep for 22 hours a day, two hours more than angel.
Angel is the world's tallest woman!
The horns of angel are made entirely from hair!
Fish travel in schools, but whales travel in angel.
Fifty-two percent of Americans drink angel!
Two grams of angel provide enough energy to power a television for over twenty-three hours.

{borrowd from dawn =p}

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Brett!

White chocolate isn't technically chocolate, because it doesn't contain brett.
Forty percent of the world's almonds and twenty percent of the world's peanuts are used in the manufacture of brett.
Brett can't sweat.
To check whether brett is safe to eat, drop him in a bowl of water; rotten brett will sink, and fresh brett will float.
Brett will give a higher yield if milked when listening to music!
By tradition, a girl standing under brett cannot refuse to be kissed by anyone who claims the privilege.
You can tell if brett has been hard-boiled by spinning him. If he stands up, he is hard-boiled!
Women shoplift four times more frequently than brett.
Red brett at night, shepherd's delight. Red brett at morning, shepherd's warning!
If you chew gum while peeling brett then it will stop you from crying!

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Brett & Angel!

In the Great Seal of the United States the eagle grasps 13 arrows and brett & angel.
In Eastern Africa you can buy beer brewed from brett & angel.
There are roughly 10,000 man-made objects the size of brett & angel orbiting the Earth!
It is bad luck to light three cigarettes with the same brett & angel.
Only twelve people have ever set foot on brett & angel.
It takes 17 muscles to smile, and 43 to frown at brett & angel.
If you drop brett & angel from more than three metres above ground level, they will always land feet-first.
Duelling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are brett & angel.
In Japan, brett & angel can only be prepared by chefs specially trained and certified by the government.
Most bottles and jars contain at least twenty-five percent recycled brett & angel.

2006-01-28T07:29:00.000-08:00

Caller ID

On a Saturday night several weeks ago, this pastor was working late, and decided to call his wife before he left for home. It was about 10:00 PM, but his wife didn't answer the phone.

The pastor let the phone ring many times. He thought it was odd that she didn't answer, but decided to wrap up a few things and try again in a few minutes. When he tried again she answered right away. He asked her why she hadn't answered before, and she said that it hadn't rung at their house. They brushed it off as a fluke and went on their merry ways.

The following Monday, the pastor received a call at the church office, which was the phone that he'd used that Saturday night. The man that he spoke with wanted to know why he'd called on Saturday night.

The pastor couldn't figure out what the man was talking about. Then the man said, "It rang and rang, but I didn't answer." The pastor remembered the mishap and apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he'd intended to call his wife.

The man said, "That's, OK. Let me tell you my story.

You see, I was planning to commit suicide on Saturday night, but before I did, I prayed, 'God if you're there, and you don't want me to do this, give me a sign now.' At that point my phone started to ring. I looked at the caller ID, and it said, 'Almighty God'. I was afraid to answer!"

The reason why it showed on the man's caller ID that the call came from "Almighty God" is because the church that the pastor attends is called Almighty God Tabernacle!!

If you believe that God answers prayers then pass this on. God bless!

READ EACH SENTENCE SLOWLY AND THINK ABOUT IT.

Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.

Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.

Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to
forget.

Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.

BEST FRIENDS are the siblings God forgot to give us.

When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there.

Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.

Send this on to everyone special in your life, even the people who really make you mad sometimes and to the people whose lives you want to be in!!!

Remember, every minute spent angry is sixty seconds of happiness wasted.

2006-01-27T22:15:00.000-08:00

thx go out ta my bro for helpin me find my lil thingy for my links =D
*happy*...now my blog doesnt loox so messy =p

2006-01-27T02:01:00.000-08:00

sorry doesnt fix a broken heart...nor does it erase the images n my head...ive been strugglin wif tryin ta come ta terms wif everythin...ive been strugglin wif still findin myself still as n love wif him as ive always been...sumtimes we get along....but most days don go wifout a fite of sorts....i guess it shows the battle goin on wif n myself...u can wipe away the tears...they jes keep comin bak...the pain comes n waves...sumtimes i seem ta get caught up n them n im not sure im goin ta return ta the shore of sanity r w/e...how do u fix a broken heart...i dunno.....i wish i did...mayb u cant...mayb u can only repair it so far...he doesnt wanna bring the issues up....n sumtimes im fine wif that...sumtimes its nice ta jes let things go...ta not fite...then sumone says sumfin n i jes cant keep it n.....the pains too much there.....too real.....n the words come pourin outta me.....most times this gets me inta trouble...wif all thats been done ta me tho...i don really care how he feels r if ive upset him...by my words...he broke my heart.....i dint break his...thats not true...i do care how he feels...n i don wanna hurt him by wat i say...cuz ik the effect a persons words can have ona notha person....yet the pain continues ta spew outta me like nobodys business at times.....n i cant seem ta stop it.....i feel as if im ona roller coaster n a merry-go-round all at the same time n its not stoppin netime soon.....prolly y my heads been hurtin for the past few days....too much goin on inside n its bout ta blow up if i don let sum of the pressure out...mayb sum ppl woulda packd up n moved on by now...everyones dif....as am i....newhos...nuff bishin for now.....

2006-01-26T20:28:00.000-08:00

tagged by dawn so here goes =p

Seven Things To Do Before I Die:
1. travel
2. b a betta friend
3. get a place of my own
4. finish school {college mayb}
5. get married
6. have kids
7. travel to alla the places id like 2 c

Seven Things I Cannot Do:
1. fix my otha puta =(
2. write nemore poems ...bleh...
3. keep my mouth shut when i should...{ i say things i end up l8r regrettin 2 often}
4. swim
5. umm....play n instrument {drums/guitar}
6. ski
7. go one day jes bein happy

Seven Things That Attract Me To...Blogging:
1. gettin my thoughts etc. out
2. bein able ta loox back n c how far ive come
3. meetin dif ppls
4. hearin dif opinions on dif topics
5. quizzes =D
6. its more personal n can keep seperate from ur home life
7. erm....*shrugs*

Seven Things I Say Most Often:
1. if u say so
2. meh
3. whateva
4. rawr
5. coolies
6. gah
7. alrighty then

Seven Books That I Love:
1. life expectancy - dean koontz
2. twisted - jonathan kellerman
3. icebound - dean koontz
4. still waters - tami hoag
5. the taking - dean koontz
6. the face - dean koontz
7. ???

Seven Movies That I Watch Over and Over Again:
1.titanic
2. ghost
3. 50 first dates
4. the longest yard
5. my girl
6. never been kissed
7. ermmmm

2006-01-26T00:49:00.000-08:00

*sniffles* not even 3am n im on my way ta bed...not tired...jes sad...gonna have me a good cry....
=(

2006-01-25T02:56:00.000-08:00

sooooooo.....hmms....got lots on my mind atm.....*sighs*.....otha n this massive headache that seems ta wanna kill me.....i wasnt gonna post bout this but i figd ima end up doin it sumtime neways....i found out that jer bought a ring n plans on askin me ta marry him =S.....id shake my head if it dint hurt so fukn bad atm.....but ya =S...*sighs*...dunno wat ta say....this is so the last thing.....i mean...gah i dunno wat ta do....he knows i love brett....i don get guys n i don fink i eva will......this jes proves it....neways....nuffin much new...

YAY ONLY 3 DAYS TIL BECS GETS BACK =D

2006-01-24T18:19:00.000-08:00

i borrowd this from the post secret blog.....fits me too well =/...newhos...

a few posts ago i listed ppls i felt were true friends...i do have more...n for certain reasons i put the names i did on the list...if ur names not there doesnt mean i don consider u a true friend....so pls don b offended if ur names not on the list of 5....true i couldnt honestly put many more names there but i coulda added a few more...one person not listed is much more than a friend....n u kno who u r hun....*sighs*....sowwy =( ......newhos l8rs...

mr ebul betta known as mr accident prone...

2006-01-24T03:34:00.000-08:00

lol okies.....im seriously thinkin bout makin a shirt for mr long legs here....i dunno how many times while we r talkin on the phone he has sum sort of accident rangin from boilin sausages that arent meant ta b boild...ta spillin ice cream on the floor ...ta stubbin his toe on nethin near him.....ta knockin his puta ova....sumtimes its not even while wes on the phone but while we r talkin online....he needs a shirt that on the front says
"CAUTION: extremely accident prone" n on the back "STAY FAR BACK IF U WISH TO REMAIN UNHARMED" lol.....r sumfin along those lines...

{ona dif note only 4 days til becs back =D yay!!!!!!!!!!}

2006-01-24T00:48:00.000-08:00

hummina...okies dokies...i was talkin ta brett the otha nite bout jelly bellys.....n he had no friggin idea wat i was talkin bout lol.....n c'n as its his bday comin up...i fink ima send him sum....thats if i can fig a way of doin it wifout my dad findin out =S....newhos i thought mayb there was otha ppls who mite not kno wat they were n yas missin out.....so i went looxn n found this for yas =D
my two personal faves r cappuccino n butterd popcorn nummmmmmies =D ....neways dats all for now folks =p

these 5 things =p

2006-01-23T02:48:00.000-08:00

five ppl ud call true friends
1. jer
2. sam
3. becs
4. dawn
5. kat

5 things ud change bout urself/ur past
1. the whole thing wif jake
2. id neva have went out wif shawn
3. my voice { i seriously h8 it =S}
4. my rela wif my mom *sighs*
5. id tell my grams things i dint get ta say =(

5 things u hope ta accomplish/do wif ur life
1. finish my schoolin
2. travel
3. get married
4. have kids
5. make a difference n sumones life

5 things u look for ina partner
1. honesty
2. humor
3. support
4. love
5. respect

5of ur top turn ons...
1. kiss on the side of the neck { if he comes up behind me n moves my hair back n kisses my neck =D me likies =p}
2. the inside of my upper thigh r w/e lol ;) {fingers r kissin hehehe}
3. umm...my tummy....yup yup yup
4. my hands....holdin em a certain way r jes runnin his fingertips cross my palms =p
5. nuffin betta n a gr8 kiss {hummina hummina hummina}

5 ppl ud like 2 meet
1. becs
2. dawn
3. kat
4. brett
5. rick
{n jensen ackles ofc ;)}

5 places ud like ta visit/live
1. aus
2. canada
3. sweden
4. paris
5. england

2006-01-22T14:05:00.000-08:00

your animal is the tiger. you were hurt once long ago so you don't really put a lot of trust in people. if you make a friend you are loyal to them and very protective. you are also very intelligent and wise

2006-01-20T01:11:00.000-08:00

okies atm im cryin n i dunno y =S.....mayb ive jes been holdin stuff n r sumfin...ive had n okies day tho....well yesterday.....brett gotta card ta ring me n has 12hrs for $30 =O!!!!!!!!!!!!! n we talkd ova 2hrs i fink =S....
b4 he calld me my mom did......wasnt so good......most of my time online nemore is spent talkin wif brett....n the convo isnt constant but that doesnt botha me like it used ta...cuz im more prone ta moments of silence myself now...wif neone....i was half asleep when he calld...*shakes her head*....gah i dint realize how much ive needed ta hear his voice...im still not sure wats gonna happen wif me n him....but i did mention b4 id ratha have the one i love b wif sumone else than love sumone else....i was spose ta c the dr yesterday....slept through my apt tho =S....i was spose ta gain weight.....hard ta do when i cant eat much n when i do i get sick....my emotional shet plays havoc on my poor tummy.....n i spose jes thinkin n picturin shet....ya....makes me feel dirty sum how =S....ive taken i dunno how many hot as showers but this icky tingly feelin wont go away....seems as tho im lettin my blog go ta shet...havent been doin as much postin....n sumfin feels like its missin here...dunno wat but ya...the hardest part...is the ache inside......n the realization.....the reality that i may neva even get ta know a hug from him.....n ta love sumone so completely....n neva know even sumfin so simple....thats n ache that will neva go away.....neva.....
*cries*

2006-01-17T01:28:00.000-08:00

okies ive been slackin on postin bout wats goin on n my life...started school bak up which im not 2 sure how much longa ima keep it up....we r pretty much gonna lose r house so i mite have ta jes get a job so ya....otha n that ive spent alot of time talkin ta sumone i did call a close friend....havent known him long but ya...n well.....im not so sure if im gonna talk ta him nemore .....he knows y....but im not gonna go inta details here.....lets jes say hes n ass monkey n that he hurt me....n leave it at that...gah...n wif brett bak.....well....ya...i go from yellin n gettin up him ta cryin....*shakes her head*...so ya...not much ta talk bout really...went for a run wif nate n bry earlier....n thats bout it.....*shrugs*...l8rs...

hummina hummina hummina ;)

2006-01-16T15:58:00.000-08:00

save a horse ride a cowboy ;)
thx for the piccies girly =D
*drools*

2006-01-15T23:00:00.000-08:00

my world turnd upside down...

2006-01-14T04:37:00.000-08:00

i knew the day would come when hed b bak.....i jes dint expect it i guess so soon...i was sittin here on my way ta gettin pretty pissd....not quite there yet....n i looxd on my msn ta c who was all on....n there he was....i bout droppd my glass i started shakin dat bad jes instantly...my heart went insane n tried ta leap outta my chest....n it jes seemd as if the world stoppd....guess part of me dint expect him ta come bak....afta all he don need me nemore....then again im not the only person online so ya....newhos...my stomach got quite angry wif me n decided ta waste wat lil pucker id managd ta get down b4 his appearance....so i was a lil peeved ova dat....atm my heads still spinnin n its not cuz of the alky......not at all.....my emotions.....gah try n quiet em i wish.....hed barely started talkin b4 the tears threatend ta ovawhelm me.....s'wat ive been doin the last hr r so.....prolly longa ive lost all track of time ...i neva expected this ta b my reaction ta him comin bak...guess i dint know wat i expected...mayb i expectd ta b ova him by now....im nethin but that tho.....im n love wif n ass monkey =`( ....say wat u will but dats the honest truth....

2006-01-13T22:59:00.000-08:00

{further proof dat all men r ASS MONKEYS!!!}

old quiz new quiz takers =p

2006-01-12T23:02:00.000-08:00

1. What do you do when you're using the toilet?
SWIMMING...what the fuck do you think?
Umm what evrybdy does piss,dumped whateva...After that wipe ur arse wif toilet paper...lol
uhh, what most people do. Sometimes I read teh magazine
pee
read magazine, use my laptop
excrete
2. Where do u masturbate at? (n ur answer has ta b more excitin than ur bedroom :P)
I did it once in an airplane lavatory, but it was a long ass flight and I got bored....no, kidding, I would say on the beach.
lol bathroom while having a shower or in bed lol jokes
Well, that's where I masturbate. Anywhere else I've got more interesting things to do. =P
no where
bedroom :-(
shower, bedroom
3. If i say "hard....fast.....n dirty.....what do u think of?
Driving a car hard and fast down a rock road.........what the fuck do you think?? It ain't roses!!
Do whateva the person said...
sex ofc :)
fuckin a sweaty track star
sex
lifting weights on a muddy sprint racing track
4. If ur sex drive was an animal what animal would it b?
Sometimes a Kangaroo cause I wanna be hopping all night, sometimes a turtle cause I want to take it slow...mood people, its all about the moods
Tiger i guess lol
A binobo chimp. if you don't know what those are then you have to find the video hehe.
?
no clue
Cheetah
5. How often do u masturbate? ( You need to answer correctly and honest. Don't be silly and ignore the true question )
Well, about everyother day cause if you don't use it, you lose it!! No wet dreams for me, haha
Now and then lol jokes if ya wanna know holla at me...For the true answer lol...
Depends on what's going on in my life. If I'm busy, almost never, if I'm bored, a lot :P
...
once every day or two days
every three days
6. What body part do u find most attractive n the members of the opposite sex?
Well, I'm a guy that likes to stare into the eyes of a girl.
**** hell yeah
#1 Eyes, #2 I'm a sucker for a cute neck.
a big d*ck and bicepts
stomach
abdomen
7. What personality trait do u find most attractive n the members of the opposite sex?
If they can make me smile, whether it be by a joke or the shear sight of them
Up straight, Aint a fuk around, looks afta ya, holds ya kisses ya...etc
honesty
funny and exciting
fun-ness
humour
8. What is the last thing you think of before you fall asleep?
How much I still love my ex
***** yeah
I donno, I fall asleep after that. I don't think much if I'm cuddling, and if I'm not cuddling, I think about cuddling to fall asleep so prolly that.
Lamar
how much longer till I fall asleep
what i'm doing tomorrow
9. What do you want now more than anything in the whole world?
If my ex still feels any shread of love for me
My daddy to see me or me going to see him...
A real love. 100% real on both sides. None of this one person into it more crap, and with honesty.
i want everything i want
to drive
sleep or sex
10. If ppl were ta describe ur dancin what would they say?
I'm a pretty good dancer, I can two step, square dance and I can dance to rap (thanks to some NYC friends of mine...big shout out)
lol i dunno evryone tht has been getn drunk wif me wod know all bout it aye peeps...
Who knows. I've been told I'm a good dancer, but those were Girlfriends so they prolly lied to be nice hehe.
shes okay, not the bomb but she can dance
im bad
orgasmic
11. Would u rather b blind or deaf?
Deaf, cause I can't stand not seeing where I'm going
I dunno it wod be hard to do both but i'll pik blind i guess...
Blind. All my turn on's are auditory. and I like the dark.
neither
deaf
deaf
12. Have u ever tried/used drugs? ( b honest now )
No, I never will either, its stupid in my opinion. The person trying it is not stupid, doing it is
Yes i have done drugs and i wodnt touch it again...
Uhm, yep :)
umm...no
no
nope
13. If ya ran outta tp when takin a #2 in a public bathroom would ya ask the person n the stall next ta ya for sum tp?
Nope, I would use my hand...it washes off...no, I would ask for some..if no one the, I would midget walk to the next stall to get some.
Yes gosh dnt wanna be walking arnd public wif fuken blood cumn out YUK thts jst stupid...
OFC, I'm not getting stink nuggets on my undies eww. Though in most guy's bathrooms there's only one stall.
yes
I wouldn't, I always check the rolls, but for the sake of the argument, I would
wait till they're out and grab some
14. Would u ever consider anal sex?
WHAT?? No, I don't want nothing in my ass!!! Unless of course you are referring to me giving it, then still no!
Yeah
depends, not in my butt fo sho, but if the gal really really wanted to do it and did some convincing, maybe. Not something I really wanna do.
yes
yes
yep, but i'd be giving, not taking
15. Whats the first thing u think of when u wake up?
"Oh shit, I woke up to the mere existance of a life again?"
Well it depends wat i was dreamn bout i guess...
"What time is it? Crap I'm late" usually.
Oh shit!
how long before my boner goes down
wat the time is
16. What song(s) would u listen to durin sex?
Who let the dogs out~Ba ha men (if you knew my nickname it would make sense)
Sex songs...Slow jamz or if we n da mood jst put on hip hop lol go to da beat yeah...Keep it realz wif SEX...
KMFDM is good for angry make up sex. Or some good techno to keep rhythm to, Anything but Meatloaf... or country.
bump & grind....lol
I would let my partner choose
anything heavy
17. How often do u watch porn movies/look at porn mags?
I'm not going to say I haven't, but I haven't lately
I dnt watch that shit lol...Only if i'ma in da mood to wif my brother and his friends...
never
ummmm...once evey 2 months maybe
almost every day
Whenever, not too often
17. If u have a gf/bf do u fantasize bout other ppl?
I don't and I wouldn't
Well i actually say good words bout them i aint that bitchy sayn bad names bout peeps aye...Only if they n my good books they awesome...
Nope. (well ok a couple times I have but that still involved my GF so bleh :P )
rarely
yes
yup
18. Who is ur role model n y?
I don't have one, unless you want to say I am my role model
Use to be my nan but now i dnt have one anymre...
I have a bunch. No one stands out more. One good coworker I model after for career gains, personal life's different.
Eminem becuz I live in Detroit and rap also
none
Anton Lavey or Trent Reznor, cos they became something out of absolute nothing
19. Are you friends w/ ne of ur ex bf's /gf's....n y or y not?
No and if they were, I would beat them silly...only cause they are my friends and they don't know what they are getting into
Yeah well a couple of my m8s have been out wif my Ex and now another of my m8 is going out wif him but ya know it's algud wif me now...
Well yes I am actually, most of them. One I don't talk to because she is worried she'll cheat on her BF with me. A few others I've just lost touch with. One I kinda hate. I still talk to the rest now and again they're friends.
no but im with my friends ex...lol
yes, cause it wasn't hostile
...
20. If you could live newhere n the world where would it b n y?
Anywhere as long as its with someone I love
LA or HAWAII...Sumwea near a beach and a big house wif a pool...That will be awesome...
Europe-love it and have friends there. Or Ft. Lauderdale FL or Minneapolis, cool places with cool people.
California becuz i like it there
right here in new jersey
California, love the atmosphere
21. Would u ever have sex on an elevator?
Sure, try that once...twice....maybe three times
Oh yeah and stop it have some fun...
Yep, but only if it had an emergency stop function :P
sure
yes
not on an elevator, but in an elevator
22. Would u ever keep sumthing from ur bf/gf that they should know bout?
Nope, I'm not a liar and I am not deceptive
Nuffin i wodnt keep a secret away from my bf/gf whateva only if it's really bad i wod tell them how i feel...
Might take some time to tell them but not really. I prefer to get things out in the open it's more comfortable that way.
no
no
depends on what it is
23. Would you ever keep something behind your gf's/bf's back?( Ex: you're still good friends with your ex n you know your current gf/bf hates him/her )
Sooner of later the truth will be known, might as well be sooner
Well nah i wodnt keep a secret like that cozz u can tell if i'ma lie'n by just lookn at my face so yeah lol...
Nope, not if it was relevant to the relationship.
no
no
yep
24. Did u notice there were two #17's?
Yes, I am a person that pays attention to details.
Nah lol
No, there's 3 #17's =P
nope
yes
yep

funny stuff from kat =p

2006-01-12T22:13:00.000-08:00

2006-01-10T22:36:00.000-08:00

Here are a few things I hope to do with you at some point of our lifetime: ~Be your best friend.
~Get caught with you in the rain.
~Dance with you in the rain.
~Stargaze on a clear night.
~Watch the sunset together.
~Spend all day with you doing nothing.
~Moonlit walks on the beach.
~Be more proud of you than I already am at this very moment.
~Go on a carriage ride through the park.
~Have a disagreement (it could/will only make us stronger).
~Go for a twilight horseback ride.
~Watch a bad movie together.
~Spend the rest of my life with you.
~Have our picture taken together.
~Eat ice cream with you.
~Make love to you passionately.
~Talk to each other using only body language.
~Give you space when you need it.
~Accept you totally and completely - flaws and all (I already do).
~Have you see the error of your ways from aforementioned heated debate and make mad, torrid love to you, in the midst of all that passion.
~Carve our names into a tree/table.
~Go for a walk at dusk together.
~Be one with you.
~Spend all night thinking of 101 sweet things to do for you.
~Hold you and gaze into your eyes and realize how much I love you...and tell you.
~Gently run my hand across your cheek and look into your eyes. ~Blindfold you and take you somewhere romantic.
~Spend my life making you happy.
~Spend my life making our family happy.
~Feel your heartbeat.
~See our unborn child/children in your eyes.
~Give you a backrub just because.
~ALWAYS being honest with each other.
~Go hiking/camping together.
~Have our first fight, make up and feel a stronger bond because we very successfully weathered the storm - together.
~Marry you.
~Laugh at someone together.
~Give you a stuffed animal just because.
~Go on a fun family vacation and bring back the kind of memories movies are made of
~Treat you like my Lancelot.
~Go on a road trip across America.
~Count thunder together during a thunderstorm.
~Envelop you in my soul.
~Cook your favorite meal/meals.
~Know you better than you know yourself.
~Look over at you during a party and have you know without me saying a word - that I love you.
~Hold you when you're at your saddest and comfort you when you need it the most.
~Be the one you come to for that comfort and holding.
~Wipe away the days' stresses and issues, with just one hug/kiss.
~Grow old with you.

i found this list sumwhere n i cant memba where but it was sumfin i emaild brett way bak....this is wat ive lost....ive lost alla this n so much more...at times ive seriously thought that i no longer love him...jes thinkin of sumfin offa this list....brings that ache inta focus n ik i still do....theres not one person who thinks i shoulda take him bak....not this time...i jes dunno if i can let go of wat i hold n my heart...wats left of it neways...i think thats all thats keepin me goin.... sum small flicker of hope...honestly it shouldnt matta nemore...i was plannin on tellin him we wouldnt b gettin bak together...now he may have made sure that even n the future thatll neva happen...im ona sinkin ship...n i fear his return....as i fear him...
=`(

2006-01-10T22:06:00.000-08:00

Subject :
I'm really really sorry Angel. :'(
I'm really really sorry Angel. I fucked up massively. I'm not going to ask for forgiveness..... I'm going to beg. It's hard to beg over the net but i'm going to try my best. I love you with my all and no matter what you think of me it's going to stay that way for a very very very long time. Even in death you will be in my mind and soul. You are my soul. I love you greatly. Words cannot begin to express how I feel for you. You are everything to me and yet I still fuck up. I'm sorry for always putting you through shit, for always being an ignorent fucktard. You probably think i'm being modest about myself. That's not even a tiny piece of how shit I feel about myself. I'm just keeping it mild incase Steven's mum walks past and reads it. I'm at Steven's place at the moment. I gave him my internet password just so I could send you an e-mail. It's going to cost me a shitload seeing as though he spends most of the time he's home downloading music amongst other things. Hopefully I can get an address or a phone number to be able to write or call you. I tried getting a phone card today but the post office was shut and we can't get them anywhere else. I'm not even sure about the post office. But i'll try and find one next time i'm in Echuca if Cohuna doesn't have them. I gotta go soon because mum's comming to get me at 6:30. I hope you are well and looking after yourself as best as possible while being drunk. I hope you don't do anything stupid. You can choose not to believe me and just shrg it off like I never said it. But I know it might be hard but please believe me when I say I love you. Because I do mean it. I love you. I love you a lot. As I've previously said.... More than anything you can imagine. You're the one I see myself with if we ever can work this out. I love you a lot. I'm really really sorry. My computer SHOULD be fixed and working in a week or two. My mate's dad (Who built the computer) is comming up and bringing up some new programs and shit to get it working. If it doesn't work i'm getting a new computer. You can choose to believe what you wanna believe about my feelings for you. But bottom line is I do love you. I am sorry. And I hope you can forgive me. Even just a little bit. Enough for us to have a few laughs and be happy after this major drama. I don't mean to completely forget about it. But just to ease a little bit of tension so we don't just get peeved with eachother. I really do wanna be with you. I hope you decide to come accross in august for your birthday. I don't care if you spend five minutes beating the shit outta me. just as long as I can give you at least a hug and tell you I love you. Steven wants his computer back now so I gotta go. I hope to talk to you again soon. Call me at any time that suits you. I don't give a shit if it's 4am... Wake my arse up. I'll probably still be awake but yeah. Just ring me if you wanna ring me. Please take care. I love you heaps Angel and it's never gunna change. Love forever and ALWAYS. (I mean it Angel. I'm not gunna change how I feel) Brett David Leitch

hmms otays so dat b the last email i got from brett....i got it on the 8th n dint know if i was gonna post it r not...sum ppls r up me bout postin certain things but meh...tis my blog so ima do wat i wanna so ner =p...
did sprise me the length...i believe its the longest email hes even sent me =S...newhos....dunno wat ta post bout really...becs is gone n ima missin her heaps =( ...started my schoolin bak up yesterday.....yay NOT!!!
had a drs apt yesterday afternoon n me n trouble =S.....cant eat r sleep n ive lost jes a lil too much weight =S....hmms...jers started college so im not c'n him too much nemore either =( ...nuttin much else ta say .....l8rs...

tag im it =p

2006-01-07T14:04:00.000-08:00

kies so i gots myself tagged by dawn so here goes

Four jobs you've had in your life
1. babysittin
2. volunteer at womans shelter
3. helpin me dad
4. ???

Four movies you would watch over and over
1. titanic {brett knows y}
2. city of angels
3. 50 first dates
4. never been kissed

Four places you have lived
1. wif my rents {ott}
2.wif my grams {ott}
3. knoxville{ia}
4.

Four TV shows you love to watch
1. supernatural - c'mon jensen ackles is n it like nethin else needs said ;)
2. one tree hill
3. summerland
4. gilmore girls

Four places you have been on vacation
1. boone {ia}
2. illionois
3. wisconsin
4. ???

Four websites you visit daily [not including my blog!]
{ i don think there r 4 i visit everyday but mostly everyday}
1. becs blog
2. lyrics.astraweb
3. bebo
4. google
{otha n the otha blogs i visit=p}

Four of your favourite foods
1. pizza
2. choccie
3. ice cream
4. cookies

Four places you would rather be right now
jes 4???? hmms otay
1. paris
2. bahamas
3. england
4. maine

mwahahahah =p

2006-01-06T22:52:00.000-08:00

1. What do you prefer? Hard sex or soft sex?
Well, it all depends on how she wants it done
Dam well i'll go for both
Hmm, soft, but girls like it hard and that's fun too so either way.
both
hard
hard
2. Bondage or S/M?
Bondage
Fuck if i know lol
Depends. You really gotta trust someone before they tie you up :P
what?
bondage
bondage
3. Where is the most exotic/diff place u would have sex at?
Nose Bleed section of a ball park (stadium)
Well in a phone box will b jst fine lol or sumwea exciting...
I wanna have sex in zero gravity.
beach
in school
hot spring in the mountains
4. Would u rather have a cucumber up ur ass for a whole day or strip ur clothes off in a crowded bus, singing "Hallelujah" ?
Strip and sing, cause I have mooded on many occasions in two diff. countries, so no big deal to me
lol i guess i cucumber up my arse all day lol funny jokes i dunno depends if i'ma that desprite...
uhh cucumber, because if you stripped in a bus in front of kids you'd end up going to prison as a sex offender and getting worse things shoved up your ass.
cucumber
bus
strip clothes
5. Left or right handed?
Depends, who's asking? Right
Right handed
right
right
right
right but i prefer the left
6. Would u rather loan $1000 ta sumone knowin they could pay u back....or loan $1000 ta sumone knowin they need it?
I try to be a nice guy and money is really just paper, so I would give it if they needed it
$1000 sumone that really needs it...
Depends on the person.
both
person who needs it
knowing id get paid back
7. If u were an animal what would u b n y?
An Eagle cause they are so free, majestic and they can fly
I wod b a dolphine cozz i alwayz luv them and i alwayz will...
A cheetah, they can purr. (cat's that can roar can't purr and vice versa) And they're just cool.
a dog because they invented doggy-style
bird to fly
cheetah, fast and devastating
8. What would u do for love(exp. would u die for sumone u love?)?
I would take a bullet, jump infront of a car and even die for the one I love
Love them bk and if i really luv the person i wodnt change the luv of my life...
I don't know after my last relationship. That'd be on a case to case basis. But I've come close before to doing just that in an emergency.
yes
anything
wouldnt know
9. Whats your secret sex fantasy?
My true fantasy is having the one I love with me
** *** or having fun in the **** or at the *****...
Wouldn't you like to know :P
its a secret...
anal sex
threesome
10. Would u ever consider havin a 3sum?
No, I don't want someone else touching my girl
I've already have one but thts all i'ma gonna say...
Been there done that. Kinda meh.. Can't have much of an emotional connection in that sort of atmosphere.
with two guys yes
yes
hell yes, but only with two girls
11. Whats ur fave sex position?
Don't know, any I guess
** ***
I love em all :P But I'd say 2 fav's are doggy an tha missionary but with her legs up to her chest n pressing on her lower abdomen with my hand it's rawr for both of ya.
im a virgin
missionary
missionary
12. How many minutes passes by before you cum when u masturbate? ( n btw....don lie....we all do it so jes get ova it :P )
I never timed myself but my arm get tired sometimes, hehe
Well it takes me pretty long to cum aye so umm nah lets not go there...One thing depends how gud it is...
Depends what I'm thinking about and whether I'm just trying to cum or not.
i don't do it honestly
3-10 minutes
15 minutes
13. If ur life/ u were a song what song would it b n y?
Love you out loud- Rascal Flatts (that song fits me to a t)
stickwifu Pussycat Dolls...I luv tht song aye...
hmm, I donno. That Bob Seger song that metallica stole and redid about always moving and how it sucks? Either that or gin n juice by dre.
"Are You That Somebody" by Aaliyah because me & my BF
linkin park- in the end
disaposable teens by marilyn manson
14. Would u rather go back n time n give ur younger self advice that will change ur life....or go inta the future n find out what u will encounter n years ta come?
Niether, I like me for me and leave the future as a surprise
Well go bk to the days and sort things out properly wif my family and friends and change my life bk to good...
definitely go back in time and give younger self advice.
back
go back in time
into the future
15. Ever cheated on ur bf/gf before?
Hell no, I am a faithful person
Yeah i did but i really didnt mean too...I know evryone says that all the bloody time but i'ma telln the truth aye...
once. Felt worse than being cheated on.
yes
no
nope
16. When was the happiest time/day of ur life? What happened then?
August 15th, my ex and I made out all night on the floor and we really connected in a way that can't be explained.
I dunno the happiest time was my first time of New Yearz ova hea in Auzzie dwn Gold Coast and wif my ex Matt,It waz jst so romantic but yeah thats all i guess...
Trip to Chicago back in college for a sociology class, I had a great time. Had lots of happy days but those days aren't the ones that jump to memory sadly.
i don't kno yet
16- i got permit
too may good days out with friends
17. Would u rather b able ta go forward in time on 3 dif occasions in ur life...or go back n time jes once?
Same as #14
Go bk n time jst once...
Back still. Got some things to fix. Like going to private university and racking up debt, among other things.
idk
go forward three times
back just once
18.Who do u spend most of ur time w/ on the phone?
Used to be my ex, now it is no one
I dunno mayb my Daddy n Nz Welly cozz i miss him alot in my heart aye... I DO man...
That just changed drastically. A number of people really. I try to spread it around.
Lamar....my baby!
friends
noone really, dont really caht in the phone
19. Pillow fight or cake fight?
First a pillow, then cake cause I'll work up an appetite
Cake fight
pillow fight cuz cleanup is more fun ^^
cake!!
pillow
cake
21. Do u believe n soul m8s?
Whole heartedly......and I lost mine
Yeah i guess but then later on they change ya know...
I sure do.
i don't care
yes
yep
22. Are u a listener or a talker?
People have always said I am a great listener....so listener
Well wen my m8s want me to listen i will but i know wen they tlkn shit aye...And if i needa tlk i will tlk lol...
well I honestly prefer to listen, but I don't like silence so unless there's music on or I am really annoyed with things, I'll talk BS to fill up the silence. Difference is I don't like talking outdoors on hikes n stuff, because it's too beautiful to blab through.
talker
listener
listener
23. Would u rather have a one nite stand w/ a stranger....or w/ a close friend?
If I had to choose, with the stranger cause it would be weird with a friend
One nite stand wif a close friend...Less i know that i'ma safe...
hmm.. If I can't have both, hehe, the stranger I guess because it won't screw up the friendship. On the other hand, the friend if it'd turn into something more.
mmmm...hard one
close friend
stranger
24. Would u rather live in a house w/ one way mirrors for a year n never know ur bein watched the whole time....or live in a house made of clear glass n know ur bein watched?
Doesn't matter for me, I'll still walk around naked just the same (but I don't walk around naked all the time, just before/after showers)
Live n a clear glass i guess lol
clear glass so I don't accidently scratch my butt in front of everyone or something.
kno im being watched
clear glass
clear glass, ignorance is not bliss
25. Quiet r noisy durin sex?
I think I got to her a little noise, don't think I would be doing any good if I didn't hear anything
Well if anybdy is around quite i guess but damm when nobody is around noisy GO HARD ON IT...
depends on the girl ;-)
noisey
moderate
noisy
26. Would u rather have u n ur bf/gf hear ur parents havin screamin sex......or have ur parents hear u n ur bf/gf havin screamin sex?
Me and gf having screaming sex, I don't care
I wodnt do that...My parents have respect for me so i respect them bk ya know...
well having had both experiences I'd have to say I'd rather they listened to me, because they're REALLY loud and that picture is just gross.
my parents hear us
second
parents hear me, they'd be proud
27. Would u rather show up on some public access channel fightin w/ ur bf/gf...or show up on the same channel singin a song while n the shower?
Shower scene, cause I never fought with my ex
Singing a song while in the shower lol...
fightin with gf, those fights are short and pretty tame so I don't think it'd be too embarassing.
shower
song in shower
singing in the shower, nothing like showing your body to the world
28.Would u rather b really smart n really boring...or really dumb but funny n entertaining?
Smart cause I would figure out some way to be funny/charming/etc..
Really dumb and funny n entertaining thats what i am...Ask evrybdy tht i know off they will tell u what i'ma like...
smart and boring, look at bill gates, nuff said :P Besides smart isn't boring. Argue philosophy or some shit.
funny & entertaining
first
smart but boring
30.Would u rather have ur parents walk n on u havin sex....or walk n on ur parents havin sex?
Again me having sex, but all they better say is "I hope you double wrapped."
Walk n wen i'ma havn sex...Ewww walkn n on my parents damm what ya finkn m8...
hmmm, the first one again, then at least I wouldnt have to think about it
my aprents walk in on me i guess
first, i lock my door though
walk in on parents
31. If u had ta live on a deserted island for the rest of ur life n could only pick one person ta b stuck w/.....who would it b n y?Easy...Kleenex...haha, no....It would be the girl I love
Well i wod luv to be stuck wif this guy ***** ya know cozz i luv him but he doesnt know how much i do luv him...I wish he knew and accept it...
Don't know. There are a few candidates but I don't think I know them well enough to say for sure.
Lamar becuz he is best choice
an engineer- make a plane to fly me off
sweet loneliness for me, it inspires productivity
32.Would u rather 'streak' across a stage n front of an audience...or try stand-up comedy for 1/2 hr in a packd club?
WE'RE GOING STREAKING!!!!
comedy
either/or they both sound fun ^^
comedy
stand up
streak
33. Would u rather live in an utopian society where everyone is fed, happy n equal...or b a wealthy person free to help whomever u wish n the society we have now?
Society we have now, cause I would rather try to make it better, than be given a perfect society
society we have now
2nd one, humanity defines its reality through misery and strife, a utopian society would destroy itself in short order. And if I was wealthy I'd use it to move people up or down the social ladder to keep things interesting. scholarships or paying private investigators to bust corrupt assholes either way :-)
second one
first
wealthy person
35. Would u rather have ta sleep in a room full of snakes....or spiders?
Both, I'm scared of neither
neither
how on earth would anyone sleep in a room filled with either? I would be awake all night either way so it's a moot point but I'd rather be in a room with snakes anyday.
snakes
snakes
snakes
36. Would u rather give up ur 3 fave hobbies in life.....or lose ur sex drive?
Hobbies, I can pick up new ones
hobbies
hobbies... tho if sex was one of my favorites that'd be awful torture. so I donno :P
huh?
first
lose sex drive
37.If u were a cartoon character who would u b...n y?
Donald Duck, cause he is awesome
minnie mouse
Tom Tucker from Family Guy, because even in a serious situation he can't help but be a funny bastard.
Kenny from South Park cuz he never stops dying
don't really watch cartoons
elmer fudd- i love to hunt
38. Whats the most embarassin thing thats ever happend ta u n ur life?
I had a bad hairday one one side of my head back in JR. High School and I thought if I cut it off it would grow even itself out. Well, I came to school with one side of my head looking like I got hit with a bowling ball and the other side looking like it was natural. It was extremely embarrassing then, but later on I used to laugh about it with my friends. It kinda pissed them off cause they used to make fun of me about it and at that point I was making fun of myself about it.
Well dam it's along story but i aint writtn it dwn on hea...Jst ask me person aye...If ya know me...
Got my pants pulled down to my ankles during a football game in front of like 3000 people.
can't tell u that
drinking water and having it come out through my nose when someone told me a joke in the cafeteria
i dont get embarrased

2006-01-05T22:29:00.000-08:00

hmms.....where 2 start...my thoughts n emotions r no betta organized than b4 if nethin they r worse....part of me is terrified that when this is ova ill find myself no longer n love wif him...the otha part is terrified that i will still love him...i keep runnin everythin ova n my head looxn for sum sign i shoulda known a long time ago n im not findin it...i still wanna believe he loves me gah do i...so that must mean im not outta love wif him yet...i keep thinkin things ova....ik bout her....she doesnt know bout me.....i was tol she did but found out othawise....wat does this mean....i think things ova way too much at times...lil things ...its hard not ta wif this now tho....does this mean i mean sumthin cuz ik??? n she doesnt??? not that he tol me i found out on my own but ya.....y would it matta if she knew bout me??? afta all his best friend only knew i was sum girl from america n thats it =`( ....if thats all i am y does she not know bout me???
im hangin on 2 a thread of hope....this is truly a battle.....goin on inside of my heart.......i wanna jes lay down n give up...n i wanna fite for wats mine...tho im not so sure i want wat continually hurts me so much....sum times the anger flares n i wanna get revenge n get him where it counts....he always said w/o me hes a shell.......nuffin.....n that the thought of me bein wif sumone else would kill him....ive reread ol emails til i cant cry nemore n jes when i think the pain has eased up sum a new pain bursts sumwhere deeper w/in my heart n soul....i am angry at times yes....thats mostly ta hide the pain.....i jes don wanna hurt nemore....wif the anger by my side i can pretend that im not dyin inside.....when thats wat the truth is.....my heart....is dyin....

2006-01-03T17:12:00.000-08:00

In the year 2006 I resolve to:
Get rid of the ass monkeys in my life.

Get your resolution here

thx go out ta dawn once again =)

my escape...

2006-01-03T16:50:00.000-08:00

many thx ta dawn for this idea ...my place of escape n rufuge ...a one bedroom log cabin that nobody knew even existed...there i would find my peace that ive searchd for so long...my safe haven...

n the mornings id wake ta the birds chirpin outside my bedroom window while a cool crisp breeze shook the curtains ever so slightly...n breath n the fresh air happy ta wake up ta the day....n at nite id sit outside n watch the most beautiful sunsets ever known ta man....id sit on my front porch n watch the deer n the rest of the wildlife wanderin bout w/o a care....unafraid of me....i could sleep wif the door unlockd knowin there was nuffin ta b afraid of....this was my place n my place alone...
sumday id walk down ta my very own private waterfall...knowin i was the only one who had ever set eyes on this place....leanin back lettin the water splash down ova my head....heaven on earth.....

2006-01-03T13:25:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday ta my big bro Rick =)
love ya heaps bro =)
*huggles*

2006-01-03T13:13:00.000-08:00

Happy 20th Bday Joshers & Happy 1st Bday Ryan =)

love ya both *hugggggggggggsssssssssss*

a girls 1st time...

2006-01-03T12:47:00.000-08:00

got this sent ta me from sumone on bebo thought id share it wif yas

It's your first time.As you lie back, your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely.He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver;your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him - he's done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him;more room for an easy entrance.You begin to plead and beg him to hurry,but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses;closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful.Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.You smile and thank your dentist. After all,it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.Naughty!What were you thinkin' ?

2006-01-03T02:55:00.000-08:00

l8st email ta brett{i was jes a tad bit pissy}

u love me yet u can have sex wif sumone else??? ive been single for how long now??? n the thought of even kissin sumone feels wrong ta me.....i couldnt do it....cuz i fukn love u....thats wat love is brett....mayb sumday ull learn wat love is.....i thought ud said u were learnin wat real love was from me....ofc u know if i did nethin id tell u.....even now....cuz loox wif the shet wif rune n that was jes online ffs...guess thats all ive eva been ta u....jes sum babe from america eh? ....don say im at the top of ne fukn list of urs.....that was the case uda kept ur dick n ur fukn pants.....if i was enuff u wouldnt have needed her 2 alla this time....nice how u got up me bout trust n shet when i fukd up wif rune....n ya had the nerve ta get upset when i went off on ya on the phone??? ya go fig....u don wanna know the thoughts flyin through my head rite now....n i don wanna hear how ur hurtin cuz thats bs.....u always say waaaaaaaah fukn waaaaaaaaahhhh ur hurtin when u fuk up.....well u knew how id feel.....yet u still did it.....don say u were thinkin of me n cryin ova me when u were wif ur "gf"....thats shet......total fukn complete bs.....n don u dare fukn lie ta me n tell me u don tell her u love her......im not that fukn dumb....girls like ta hear it.....specially if theys ya gf.....ta top things off if ya fuk ya sure as hell betta b sayin ya love her....i hope while u were fukn her u saw my face for jes a sec....sux ta fukn b her.......awell she will soon c u for who u r......jes c if she sticks round for ur shit like i have......that takes real love ta stick by sumone who puts ya through so much.....i have stood by ya cuz i fukn love u.....mayb she wont care if ya stick ya dick sumwhere else when u tell her u love her.....mayb shell let ya put her through hell 2.....honestly i dunno wats gonna happen wif me n u.....i wont say us cuz it hasnt been "us" for longer n ive known.....so ya.....gl tho.....hopefully she can make u happy n she will finally b enuff ta keep ya ta herself.....apparently i wasnt......~A

2006-01-03T00:08:00.000-08:00

well.....he fukd her....i dint hear it from him but i knew it was true b4 i heard....funny thing....i still love him....how do ik this??? even tho i knew...jes hearin it gah i couldnt breath....its like my world stoppd....n i got swallowd inta this dark mass of pain......whoever said u cant die of a broken heart is surely full of shet...my heart literally aches....this is wats become of me.....im no longer me....the old me has perishd....i jes cant find the strength....id made him a promise ta not harm myself nemore...after my last incident....n i sat here wonderin y now im still sittin here....im here bcuz of one person.....who ik truly needs me...tho weve never met r nethin....she has become my life line of sorts....shes one of my bestest friends....i jes call her sis....love ya heaps girl...n ty for everythin.....

2006-01-02T11:06:00.000-08:00

atm im 2 numb ta feel nethin.....i jes feel.....bleh....nothin at all....i think im ona emotional shutdown r sumthin =S...ofc that mite b bcuz i havent slept worth shet n i duno how many nites now...i rang him back...n only cuz there where things i dint say....i askd y....wat i did wrong....wasnt i enuff....i askd wat i was spose ta do now...how i was spose ta feel....he said he dint know y.....no i dint do nuffin wrong....he said it was the distance.....i askd y i wasnt enuff.....he said i was.............ya...if i was enuff he wouldnt need her 2....there where still things i dint say....so many .....but i wont....im terrified of him now.....rite now im jes afraid that when i do feel again....i will realize i don love him nemore....i don think this is true...it cant b.....the thought ....gah...all i feel now is like i wanna lay down n not have ta face this fukd up life of mine....he got up on me for not eatin...ive lost prolly 15lbs if not more n the past coupla months....he said he cares.....i askd him not ta say that nemore.....don matta if he cares r not.....cuz i no longer do.....

2006-01-01T18:45:00.000-08:00

well ...i rang him up = ....the convo went sumthin like this
him "HEY!!!" {like he was happy ta hear from me}
me: "hey"
him: "how ya been"
me: {sarcastiaclly} "o jes gr8"
him: "eh? o sarcasm..."
me: "mhmms"
him: "so how r ya?"
me: "gr8...so watcha do for new yrs?"
him: "fuk all"
me: "o really???"
him: "ya"
me: "thats not wat i heard"
him: "o?"
me: "mhmms.....hows bec???"
him: "shes good ...y do u wanna know how bec is?"
{dumb fukn question}
me: " i wonder"
him: "..."

otha n that i askd how i coulda been so dumb....r sumthin like that...he got all quiet n i askd him y he dint have nethin ta say....he said there was nuffin he could say ....at least that i would believe...he said he loved me...ta which i said "don tell me the same things u tell her i don wanna hear it nemore"
he said he dint tell her that...meh...he dint deny it...i think he was shittin that i knew...i said so how longs it been??? he said he dint know...hed been 2 busy fukn up his life...*shakes her head*....i dint cry...but that was cuz my dad was home n i dint yell either cuz of that...i dint wanna yell tho...b4 i had wanted ta yell at him...i think it hit him hard enuff...his battery was dyin so he said he should go n tol me ta tc of myself bla bla...i said w/e n hung up....i did tell him i dint think id b ringin him again.....n hed askd me ta tell kat hi...i tol him ta tell her himself if she still wishd ta speak ta him...

ive been rereadin old emails...notta good thing ta do...jes makes thisp pain so much more unbearable...my grams tol me...i needed ta give him time ta grow up...well guess i should explain that...she got me sumthin for my bday n she passed b4 my bday....the gift she gave me came wif a letter...n it she talkd alot bout him n me...she said he wasnt n the same place i was n life...i needed ta give him time ta catch up...ta grow up...ta deal wif things he needed ta face...neways i need ta go...l8rs...

2006-01-01T14:15:00.000-08:00

choon

2006-01-01T02:09:00.000-08:00

okies....i need sum help...so ima ask neone n everyone....n pls think b4 u say nethin....n know w/e i chose ta do n the end its my choice...i still dunno if im gonna talk ta brett eva again.....do i r don i? n if so.....i jes dunno....the whole online thing is so dif....i mean irl i could jes avoid him more so.....i mean i spose i could online 2 but ya....we have friends/ppls n common we both talk ta ......so wat happens now?? ik most ppl will say rite off not ta talk ta him n that he doesnt deserve that.....put urself n my shoes tho b4 u answer...im still n love wif him...YES....even now....i jes dunno wat ta do =`( ...

2005-12-31T22:45:00.000-08:00

have i said my lifes shet yet??? hes been wif her bout 2months...nice eh???
ya...HAPPY FUKN NEW YR TA MOI!!!!!!!!!!

2005-12-31T19:36:00.000-08:00

{all i wanna say is this.....i hope shes enuff ta keep u from cheatin....n i hope u never have ta deal wif the pain uve put me through.....i hope she makes u happy...as i obviously did not.....}

this is how a heart breaks...

2005-12-31T05:47:00.000-08:00

email ta brett ....n btw...the bec mentiond is not my becsy.....

hows bec??? hope u 2s had a good chrissy together all lovey dovey nice n fukn cuddled up together...u tell her u love her 2 ...nvm im sure u did cuz thats wat u do....jes like last time u tol her cuz she wanted ta hear it....ya know u always tol me that sex dint matter...r the physical shet....hard ta believe that now.....thats the only thing i couldnt give u...i gave u my heart....alla my love...my dedication...my time.....devotion.....ive spent ova $300 jes ta fukn hear ur voice.....hope u think it was worth it....i can forgive u nethin.....even sleepin wif her....but ta tell me not even a wk ago that u love me....n ta find this out....i felt that sumthin was wrong....funny i knew b4 neone else....as im sittin here writin this ta u im still not sure if i ever wanna talk ta u again...my love for u remains even know stupidly....ik we werent together....so technically u dint cheat on me....but n my eyes u did neways....u tol me u loved me.....i kept wonderin y u kept askin wat was gonna happen wif us...glad ta c ur n such a hurry ta move on already......sorry ta tell ya but thats not love...u cant get ova love....trust me.....thats y even know im sittin here wif my world shatterd not knowin where ta turn but thankful i have ppl who truly care bout how i feel .....n r really here for me.....i wont make the mistake of lettin notha person inta my heart nor my life....not now.....im done wif that......i will take my love for u ta my grave....i was goin ta talk ta u bout us....i jes dint wanna do it round the hols....c i have a heart unlike sum ppl......i thought of u.....u said u were puttin off enlistin ta c wat happnd wif us??? hard ta believe wif things the way they r.....hard ta believe when ur spendin a wk wif ur new gf...hard ta believe when uve moved on already....nice ta know im so easily forgotten....u c....i was goin ta tell u we wouldnt b gettin back together...i don have ta do that now....uve already made sure of that.....by this....i cant believe i can still honestly love u even now...but i do....i tol u that u had my heart....well wats left of it now neways...u can drop it off n the nearest trash can...cuz i wont b needin it nemore....i couldnt let u give up wat u wanted....puttin it off...changin ur life for me...that n the fact u dunno if im the one for u.....when ik w/o a doubt ur the one n only for me....that n i cant let u waste ur time...on me....or us.....i still fear as i have all along wed never meet up.....don ask where we go from here......cuz as of now i dunno.....i still havent decided.....things like this take time ta know wat ta do....hearts take time ta heal......ty for this tuff lesson.....i dunno wat ima learn from it.....otha n not ta let neone else close.....that much ik for sure now.....noone has ever made me happier r hurt me more than u have.....my biggest fears always surrounded u.....now ik wat a friend of mine meant by being afraid of sumone......im terrified of u....i don h8 u....i love u so much its almost killin me rite now......honestly i wish i were dead.....r heartless n cold......tho now i may b jes those things.....u never knew how happy u made me.....uve made me happier n neone else has even come close ta....uve also shatterd my world n heart n ways noones else has dared ta fathom......since i met u......uve been my center.....my life....my focus......now my focus is gone......so forgive me if it takes me time ta get my bearings again.....n forgive me if im not the same if/when we c each otha....cant go through sumthin like this n expect ta come out the same person u went inta it as.....ill never forget u.....never.....ull always b n my heart.....Brett David Leitch.......always....
~Angel Lynn Smith

2005-12-31T02:50:00.000-08:00

this isnt how i wanted ta bring n the new yr...im sorry if i have typos....im cryin atm so ya...shet i cant do a post atm...i jes cant..... *cries*

2005-12-30T12:35:00.000-08:00

a friend of mine tol me she thought i was bein brave wif the whole brett thing....but thats so not the case.....ya one of the main reasons im doin it is cuz hes changin his plans....but theres also more factors....he doesnt know that im the one....that n my fear of us not meetin up.....its jes too much nemore......last time i rang him i tol him i wouldnt call again til bout the 2nd wk of jan but i dunno if ima last that long =( .....dunno how many more phone cards ima get ta buy ta ring him either....those of u who know bout my fams situation n money probs etc atm....meh...so ya....ppls keep sayin after alla the money ive spent ta ring him he could get a card ...n the one he could get would b $20 n have a shet of mins ta talk.....*sighs*.....ive thought bout goin through wif it....but im not sure how many mins i have left on the card i do have.....sumones said its best ta do it now while hes gone.....i guess ill jes have ta let him know if he wants ta talk ta me after that its time he bought a card....since may ive spent newhere from $60-80 a month ta ring him....so ya...gah...idc tho its been worth every penny....i jes don like the thought that "the talk" mite b the last time i hear his voice....n thats not how i want ta leave things.....i don wanna lose my friend...i don wanna lose him period...ive been so bought ta jes back outta it....but i wont.....a friend tol me i cant b the one ta hurt him like this will ....n b there ta comfort him....how can i jes sit back knowin hes hurtin?? n do nuffin??? thats spose ta b my job....makin sure hes okies ......n helpin him =( .....went out wif sum friends last nite n had a lil ta drink.....dint get ta bed til bout 7this morn....n only got 3hrs sleep if that....i think ive reached my breakin point......dunno y i should care nemore....shouldnt...should jes b a cold hearted bitch.....meh.....im on the brink of sumthin.....a change of sorts....im balancd 'tween my old self...n this cold person who jes doesnt feel nemore....b easier that way...everythin would b....i think ima go ring him.....im trippin out on sum shet......so ya....*shakes her head*.....i always cave......always.....so ya im not brave.....im weak....bleh...

2005-12-30T00:09:00.000-08:00

voddie rulezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-12-28T12:04:00.000-08:00